FRU-I-SHED

2009-04-23T19:15:00.001+08:00

moved. (:

(whether permanently or not im not sure. ._.)

here!

chapter #164: let's have a brand new beginning apart.

2009-04-02T19:45:00.006+08:00

i quote bryan's post on strangers. haha. yes. it always seems that the closer we are to someone the more we tend to take them for granted. and the more distant we are from someone the nicer we tend to be towards them.

anyway. i went out with dutch again today. second time this week! :D this time was to get liann's present lol. she's fun company! and i was dragging her around everywhere finding stuff while junyi stood some distance away because... ... just because :D

lol.

camwhoring!
with weird bunny ears in some otaku shop lol. we wanted junyi to take a photo with us but he refused. lol. (:

kay im so tired now haha my eyes are smarting really badly.

i want to read crime&punishment. i saw the collector's version today but the words were really small and the cover wasnt pretty! i wonder if i can wait it out till my birthday and beg someone to get it for me then. :/ hmm. dont think so. we'll see! :D

anyway i think this will be my LAST POST here for awhile. i want to head on down somewhere else. for privacy. for a change of environment. for... i dont know either. just somewhere else, i guess. (:

just for awhile. i think so. at least. i really like the username fruished anyway. does not want to give it up. D:

strange things like that.

ASK, if you want to know where ive gone! (because at present moment im not even sure myself! O_o

haha meanwhile maths beckons and im wonder where i should go tomorrow.

because time works wonders and distance does miracles.

2009-04-01T21:07:00.003+08:00

and sometimes saying less is more.

is msn really such a bad avenue over which to communicate that intentions can be so easily mistaken,

or is it just that our understanding towards each other has decreased so drastically that before anything else we first naturally assume the worst of each other?

2009-04-01T20:06:00.000+08:00

DELETING/ARCHIVING EMAILS IS CATHARTIC.

I SWEAR.

2009-03-31T21:36:00.002+08:00

; and you still feel like dreaming
except we always woke up.

i solemnly swear to sleep before 12am tonight.
i solemnly swear to sleep before 12am tonight.
... etc.

lol. ive been sleeping at 1am the past two nights its really bad for health! and consciousness. i think lack of sleep + weather screws up my game. ive been playing awful recently. like seriously AWFUL. sighs. ):

its actually quite frustrating. i hope i can drag myself out of this bad spell soon.

i'll start by sleeping early and eating properly. (:

chapter #159: loving and living

2009-03-30T19:29:00.004+08:00

i had terrible terrible gastric pains today. like from the end of math all the way till i reached home about half an hour ago. lol. I ATE. but i dont know maybe i ate too much oily stuff yesterday so today is like. the aftereffects? or something. i dont know. sighs. ): it really hurts alot. ohwell i hope it gets better i have training tomorrow.

WELL dao. tonight i have math tutorial to do. (:

would you protect the person you love, even if they did something really wrong?

hmmm well. anyway i havent much to blog today i guess. today wasnt particularly eventful -frowns-

this is all so terribly childish and wrong.
(so just remember that two wrongs dont make a right.)

/edit TODAY i went with claire to get some stuff from plaza. when we got accosted by this man from i-dont-know-where. who talked alot of crap and said GOD LOVES ME :D just coz i said i was catholic. i got conned out of 6 bucks. being the nice kind soul that i am. but ohwell it could have been worse! i told ruizi about it anyway. and he laughed at me. duh. if he was there i might have gotten off being scammed coz he'd get beaten up for making dumb remarks. i think. ._. lol. i am never getting scammed again.

chapter #158: the skies are blue and white and sweet.

2009-03-29T22:14:00.003+08:00

i laughed alot today. like. laughed. so im a happy person. (:

even if tired. very very tired.

and i dont understand what the damn geog assignment is asking. and i dont want to try to assimilate it. not after spending the whole morning figuring out what the damn econs assignment is asking. i dont want to study anymore. DDDDDD:

anyway i think im alot more :DDDD today. since i got alot of frustrating stuff! off my chest last night. ranting at... random people. and complaining and saying completely utterly and totally stupid things which might not even make much sense now if i go back and look at it. but who cares! this is life we're meant to enjoy it not live it like a frog with a pen down its throat. so we can complain all we want about the things that make us sad and unhappy! and then go be happy people. (: haha how simplistic.

and actually i dont know how a frog would feel with a pen down its throat.

i ate alot for dinner. ALOT. coz we had too much food left. and ran around being high on adrenaline. and unglamourous photographs. and g-strings (like, those you find on string instruments)

i love days and all the happiness it brings. (:

i feel like a tired and dead duck today. but i didnt even run around that much today! besides a short while. think i shall try to go do some geog now then sleep :D ah.

chapter #157: tonight!

2009-03-28T22:16:00.003+08:00

either someone's saying a whole string of bad stuff about me now (i can think of a few people who might be! D<) or my nose is just being a bitch on me coz i just sneezed ALOT. probably the bitch. since my nose still feels plugged up and stuffy.

HAPPY 18TH BURFDAY XIAOTIAN (:

i got to eat like xiaolongbaos at crystal jade today. and weird puffy things with redbean and banana inside and ~~powder~~ flour on top. which i blew everywhere. BY ACCIDENT. i swear. ._. and then i watched shopaholic and did a mini-marathon around the orchard area. (: even though i was having pretty bad leg cramps.

yeah. (: and i apparently walked right past my cousin and didnt see him. D: either COUSIN you're too unnoticeable. or... i dont know. hee. (:

shopaholic does give some warm and fuzzy feelings inside... despite all the bimboness. (: lol

earth hour today! i spent it at src and they came in to dim the lights. not switch it off. which is what happened in most places. i was telling my mum if they seriously turned off all the lights life would have to stop for a whole hour.

which obviously didnt happen. aw. disappointing. even though i did see more stars in the sky today. :D i even managed to point out the orion belt to my mum. because (thanks to mingyang!) its the only constellation i know anyway.

tomorrow is a deathly, deathly busy day i have THREE things going on concurrently and i havent decided which one i want to go for and which one i want to pon yet. ^^ and i still want to go create stuff which i lately decided that i wanted to/should.

aiya. ):

are you my greatest love
or disappointment in my life?

2009-03-27T23:25:00.004+08:00

(when i become too obsessed with perfection)

when you're down you can come listen to the ocean's symphony...

(over time you'd get used to yours being the only set of footprints in the sand)

i wonder if the ocean has gotten tired of playing its symphony for me.

what about you...?

disquiet:

chapter #156: today i can finally say i see our future

2009-03-27T20:38:00.005+08:00

MY NOSE BLED. no there were no hot guys/girls around. my mummy says im overheaty. ohwell.

(:

i think i had a very interesting moment this morning when i woke up. coz you know how sometimes you're dreaming and then you're rudely awakened before your dream can finish. well today i was in the process of waking up, but i managed to finish my dream and give it a 'happy ending' before i woke up. i dont remember what it was anymore. but i remember when i woke up i was like "oh finally! a happy ending!" lol. oh but it was also the second day in a row that i overslept. D:

besides that the rest of the day was a mini-rollercoaster. i was either feeling too little or too much so i decided that i wanted to pen down some of my thoughts and stuff. random words. random phrases that i was thinking about. and add/remove appropriately. it kind of worked! actually! at least i understood my emotions abit better (:

im in a very motivated mugging mood. especially for math. but after lit i was being frustrated at bench about not being able to do math then derrick came along and i was complaining. and he said i could do it its just that always before the exam my 'ji1 chu3" always not there. haha spoken like a tried and tested tutor of mine. D: but anyway i ended up making him feel bu shuang. coz he couldnt solve a problem. oops. xD

ended up talking to lc for awhile. then later ruizi escaped from chess so i talked to him too while waiting for claire so we could go off together. i think conversation with ruizi was quite interesting :D some parts of it made me quite entertained. especially when we were back at class bench and kc/stacy were around.

match against SA tomorrow i should sleep earlier so that im well-rested for the match. hmm. besides that i should have quite a slacky day tomorrow. i think.

well. guess im going off to do more math or more geog or something now. (:

(we know it would never be enough.)

; have you ever been alone in a crowded room,
well im here with you.
i said the world could be burning
- till there's nothing but dark blue.

chapter #155: who would you still believe in? ... and why?

2009-03-25T20:38:00.003+08:00

im sick! yes i have a fever its official!

okay lah i think its just a consequence of lack of sleep and stuff so its okay i'll get well soon ((:

(your past keeps coming back to haunt you)

some part of me still hates college. for the way it watches your each and every move waiting to pounce on you the moment you step out of line. or when you dont step out of line they go burrow into the recesses of your past to find something about you that they can talk/gossip about.

well okay, then.

which reminds me of a conversation i had with ____ the other day (seems it might have been a precursor!) you can never know for sure when someone's telling the truth. all you have is faith. and trust. in them.

so how do you believe in people and all that they say...? its easy to listen. to hear them say they trust you. they believe you. maybe the impression you get says otherwise. but then again maybe you're reading too much maybe they do trust you. or maybe they're just saying it for utility's sake. how do you know?

(cant wait to be out of here.)

wanted to say i still cared but i couldnt tell myself a lie.

your world's supposed to have stopped. it hasnt. life's still going on.
just proves that things dont matter as much as you may think they do.

(so your doors are be sealed shut once more.
think you've been screwed with enough for now.)

chapter #154: but you say no

2009-03-24T21:21:00.002+08:00

i had a very interesting past two days i guess.

blocks is over so i really dont wanna talk about that anymore. :/

between yesterday and today i watched harold & kumar (white castle), the unborn, (the last 3 minutes of) fight club and push.
... they weren't all that bad haha.

but i spent alot of money lately! DDDDD:

anyway. i got only about 4 hours of sleep last night. thereabout. or actually probably less. and i had resistance training (functional) in the morning at 10am. which resulted in a very-sleepy-tired-and-aching me when it hit some 5pm or so. i almost fell asleep in the cinema. and that also resulted in a very-cranky-and-easily-irritable huishi before i got home. yeah lol. even on the mrt ride home i was falling asleep standing up.

so yeah that might explain why i was quite hostile/unfriendly/dao in the evening today. for those of you who were with me then.

i suppose this means today my computer should be nice and OFF by 11pm tonight so that i can sleep at 1130 and get sufficient rest for the START OF A NEW TERM tomorrow. yay im so excited haha. kind of...? :/

i want to be a good girl and mug hard. its just that i think i will burn out quite fast coz of everything happening at the same time! i dont know. sense of urgency is already kicking in tonight. lol. YES I KNOW ABIT EARLY but still its kicked in okay. ):

im so tired DDDDD: kay im guess im going to go do some work and sleep soon. (:

2009-03-22T00:58:00.001+08:00

it would be a beautiful thing;

if you could learn to love someone that much.

chapter #153: who do you want to unbutton?

2009-03-20T22:15:00.004+08:00

(disclaimer: the title is a levi's tagline. seriously.)

so anyway i have a crotch sprain! ): yes yes proclaim it to the world lol.

well there's a weird vein where it shouldnt be which hurts... at least when i press it? which... kind.. of.. is... bad... especially seeing how some male physio cant really help me with it. :/ coz obviously. well. he's male. lol. nevermind if it doesnt interfere with game/daily lifestyle i will conveniently ignore it.

had vectors consultation in school with ms kwee yesterday. which went quite well, actually i finally feel like i can do abit of vectors. i dont want to continue with the tutorial and then subsequently have to deal with my own latent suckiness in vectors due to lack of practice.

then match against greenview. nothing much to say. except they were quite violent. D: i got hit on the back once when i got the ball away from their defender. ^_. but nevermind. it was still less dramatic than the guy's ite math when i-dont-know-his-name nearly got his neck twisted. lol.

so anyway. today is SATURDAY it marks the second last day available for mugging before we're thrown into the stuffy muggy exam hall where we have to scribble like crazy and regurgitate all the knowledge we've supposedly acquired over the past year+3 months. generally while mugging my only thoughts are - WTH why didnt i pay attention in class!

which will be my aim for the next many months before 'a' levels hit me. D: pay attention in class. pay attention in class. D:

so meanwhile javachip venti and weird music which i regretfully am unable to appreciate will be my fellow companions. (:

chapter #152: emotional pain hurts more than physical pain

2009-03-19T20:50:00.004+08:00

i just got back! after spending a whole day out since like 10am. lol.

first stop delifrance tp - vectors. second stop cafe cartel bishan - vectors. incidentally when i was there i saw sambor. he grew taller. slightly. ^_. third stop ite bishan - match! i finally felt like i was actually doing something. lol. but well complacency = bad. fourth stop souperlicious/coffee bean suntec - DE/Vectors/Geog. in that order. lol.

and today eskew was smsing me for about half the day. which was really nice so (:

and i thought it was quite funny how the bishan guys flirted with our juniors. we were like. !!?!??!!?! lol.

i hope tomorrow will be a less hectic day i dont wanna run around singapore. im really afraid! coz i clearly have not-much-time left. to mug for my exams. friday-saturday-sunday. and i think sunday will be intensive math. i hope its productive intensive math since usually my tuition teacher does statistics instead. -aggravated expression-

and i have so many other unaccomplished things during the hols. but still i guess i miss school! (: and all the drama that it brings. but okay. well. (:

i missed weiqiang's birthday so i will make up for it! one day! promise! :D

and xt's and amandy's birthdays are coming up! :D

and so is season. ._.

well at least for now, vectors beckons! (:

tell someone you love them today! :D

chapter #151: if the world could be ours

2009-03-18T18:44:00.003+08:00

do we tend to expect more from people
than they are capable of giving.

and if we do.
then what...?

could we then reduce our own expectations so that we'd all be happier people...?

or would you hold on to your own expectations and make yourself unhappy anyway...?

ah. the mysteries of life. indeed. ):

chapter #150: it's a purely physical thing.

2009-03-18T14:21:00.003+08:00

the weather is a killer.

loll. i felt like dying today under the hot sun. but thank goodness training shifted to the basketball court where it was apparently windier and there was shade whenever we didnt have to play. so YAY. lol. (:

anyway. i wasnt in a really excellent mood yesterday or anything. geog in the morning then i went to meet ms yuen and help justin! return his library book at the same time. then we sat at cafe cartel and she mugged while i ate lunch and got some rest so that i could play properly... after that. (which i dont think i did, eventually.) but okay.

i met my mum for dinner anyway. and later had a "deep insightful" conversation about how alot of things are merely psychological and mind-over-matter. i dont think the conversation was very productive. but nevermind.

and then i slept at like about 1am or so. again. ive been doing that almost everyday for the past week. which is bad for health. i know. but i always get drawn into some deeply interesting conversation like at 12am. so i stay up to talk about it further. and of course since im talking i dont get much mugging done. bad. )<

heatstrokeheatstroke. :/

ive suddenly been feeling alot of things lately. like. emotions. i guess i cant say they're all bad or all good. maybe just interesting.

but ive been stressed. and hence ive been breaking out like nobody's business i need to go on suppressants really soon or i will just explode in a bloody mess.

or something like that.

sometimes there's a sense of being unable to believe. have faith. in people. in things. and sometimes you cannot even feel the people or things at all. O_o well i guess at some point we all learn to let go of what we cant feel. what we cant, or rather. stop. believing in.

its not a bad thing.

happiness. the thing that makes the world go round. supposedly. but of course xiaotian would argue that its rather consumerism that makes the world go round. which is true. i suppose if everyone stopped spending now we'd suffer. coz like my class guys like to say - nong fu! zhong tian! and we dont zhong tian like the nongfus so that means we'll die la. D: how morbid. i forgot the original point i had to make about happiness. so nevermind. ._.

the greatest betrayal of a woman... hmmm.

chapter #149: and remember me tonight, when you're - asleep

2009-03-16T19:30:00.003+08:00

; she needs someone able and brave to love her.

i went to bed in a very very grumpy mood last night. yes i was actually offended by some stuff. instead of another temper tantrum or something. that's usually quite different yeah. but anyway. i suppose sometimes people say things and they dont really mean it in a bad way. but its just a sensitive thing with you. and so you take issue with it.

(and then you have to remember that not everything has to matter)

eventful day! i had a meeting in the morning. then i went with justin! and yuteng for lunch at tiong bahru market. and then yuteng had to go for training so justin! accompanied me as i went shopping for the next almost two hours or so. but he was being really nice. he carried almost all my stuff (shoebag+file+ntucstuff) like for almost half an hour or so. coz he's nice like that. (: and later he helped me carry some stuff until he had to go off. this is what i call gentlemanliness. (:

so THANKYOU!(: for today justin!! (:(:(:(:

then afterthat i went back to my grandma's place to visit her + my little cousins. i realized that i tend to be harsh on myself sometimes when i think im neglecting some people around me. especially like my grandma coz i love and respect her alot. but then i dont really do much about it. which is bad. :/

tomorrow marks the beginning of four consecutive days of soccer. match-training-match-match. i may almost question how alive im going to be at the end of 4 days haha. but. it might just be good for me. i dont know. maybe being preoccupied+overtired will help me keep my mind off things. an idle mind is the devil's workshop. and well, maybe this is His way of keeping my mind off things.

some things screw with my mind more than you would believe.

and like with everything. i need to know how to care about some people/things more. and i also need to know how to bother less about other people/things. yeah ._.

i think finding fulfillment in doing some things seems to come hard for me. soccer. for example. i can run like crazy insane shiz on the pitch and i suppose really "doing my best". but it never registers as a "best" when i dont do exactly what im processing in my head - which would be the 'ideal' things to do - either due to interference or whatever. and it just sticks. like really really sticks. ): and that tends to get frustrating.

if life was that easy, that simple, that sweet.

pity it frequently isnt. no im not being angsty and anti-world. i am merely tired and reflective. perhaps i sometimes worry too much about how people would think. or judge. or whether im putting them out. or something of the nature. that i dont really. communicate in the way i used to. with people. - that is, when i actually communicate with people. ^_.

i wonder if i came back at the end of the day. feeling unfulfilled. dissatisfied. (etc.) and i spoke to you about it. would you actually be listening?

as a last note to this very-long-post. i remember having no rulers in my pencilcase sometime at the start of last week. suddenly i have FOUR. and i definitely didnt buy any. O_o uhoh. whose rulers did i take...?

101 REASONS TO NOT TELL PEOPLE STUFF.

2009-03-16T00:17:00.003+08:00

NUMBER #01

they will later say that you will be the one to leak it out to someone else who isnt supposed to know

MORAL OF THE STORY

never tell people stuff.

even those you trust.

chapter #148: coz the truth hurts

2009-03-14T21:28:00.003+08:00

it's finally over. :D

that storytelling competition. i liked the little kids one of them refused to go near the mike he said "i dont want to go near this thing!" then we were all like "wtf how?!" ohwell. D:

THANKYOU(: to really awesome volunteers. the registration booth people whom i dunno your names im sorry! er... yuteng! for finding many volunteers and doing various random saikang for me. :D jerome lol. coz he's funny like that. jing yi, ashleen and jocelyn. for being awesome and being great emcees! and laughing alot and causing kids to have identity crises. lol.

and then after that i ate a muffin. and went for kidsread. during which i got scolded by some... ~~china~~ lady coz she says one of the volunteers was mean to her son or something. and i seriouslyhonestly believe that. it was a misunderstanding and her son was too sensitive. i mean im pretty sure if my volunteers are overbearing and evil i would have encountered this problem previously in the past two years that they've been with me right. but i havent so might the problem not be with my volunteers? sheesh. and she wasted almost half an hour of my life.

._. anyway im alot happier today coz i have one less thing to worry about i guess. math and geog blocks + soccer is probably my main focus for this holiday. D:

okay later. :D

chapter #147: you should matter most

2009-03-13T22:14:00.003+08:00

; because life goes on (:

i was abit sad today! when i was in school. and then i had lit paper. and i got really really bad gastric pains halfway. so after that i decided i couldnt go for training anyway. so i decided to go wander around singapore with claire, amanda, rachel and ruizi. so we went to far east plaza. i said i wanted to look for a handbag and ruizi pointed out one of those CHEAPO $10 handbags to me. and i was like. WTF NO. then he was like. "okay rich lor." but then after that he got the same reaction from claire amanda and rachel so it wasnt me. :D haha.

then we went to kino. but claire and i were done cooing over cute stuff in like what. 5 mins. lol. but amanda and rachel werent going to be very fast so we ended up taking a walk down to watsons coz i wanted to get some stuff. and then when we got back after like what. 20 mins maybe, they still werent done. poor ruizi lol luckily it was kino there was a 'philosophy' section to bury himself in. yes.

i got something from kino anyway. :D rubons. :D and i helped rachel reduce her ~$70 worth of items to ~$25 worth of items. this is why you go shopping with huishi. :D lol

after that we went to nydc, wheelock place, to eat! :D i dont even remember what i ate anymore. it tasted alright i guess. but i think i'll stick with tomato-ketchup-like-stuff next time. creamy stuff isnt really my thing. D: but okay. and while experimenting with escalators around orchard amanda and i did that pseudo-lesbian thing again and freaked out several people on the opposite escalator. haha funny. their own fault for being kaypoh. and then i went home with my mummy. in a muchmuchmuch better mood.

so here i am now. tired. not particularly joyous. but not sad either. no not blank either. just normal i guess.

coz life still goes on!

but anyway i just want to say THANKYOU(: to the people today. who were there. yeah. and even for the ONE who made it necessary for people to be there.

chapter #146: if you know what you really want

2009-03-12T22:55:00.002+08:00

D: stressed.

i solemnly swear that if the next message that i receive is
1) a source of stress
2) makes me sad/unhappy
3) nothing good
i am just going to turn off my phone for the next 24 hours.
yes. 24.

because ive screwed up just about:
[

this

] many things today and i just. dont think i could take anymore.

chapter #145: is this what you want

2009-03-12T20:04:00.005+08:00

; just not right.

i decided to indulge in a little fictionpress today. lol. ah. the days past. ^_. i guess reading stuff from there really feels like im reading chiclit. its all very feel-good and stuff. but i guess that's okay once in awhile still.

sometimes i feel a VERY STRONG NEED to write everything out clearly just so i know what im thinking. it can be quite... frustrating. coz i like don't have the patience to slowly write everything out. especially after ive done two econs essays today and mugged for lit! and then when i type it out its too fast! and then i dont really reflect. enough.

im sleepy. D: and i have a lit paper tomorrow but thats in the afternoon so good i get to slack for abit.

when is it time to pull tighter and when do you think you ought to loosen the strings. hmm.

loving; sweet; caring; amazing; haha. im trying to think of what else to say

chapter #144: if life couldnt be more beautiful.

2009-03-11T18:34:00.002+08:00

haha im watching the numbers on the stock exchange right now. its very interesting!

anyway - yesterday.. or maybe two days ago when i had a very short msn convo with rachel i realized i take some things for granted! like people who help me with work, in school. claire/tag/ruizi. they're like private tutors! just that they're free. lol. thats what she said anyway. i shouldnt be so ungrateful tsk. D: lol. so special THANKYOU (:

and it also made me realize that some/ people. or maybe alot of people. take alot of things for granted. like you help them and all. in alot of things. and they dont really appreciate what you do. they just treat it like. you should do it for them/they deserve it. and i dont know. its just not very nice, i guess. but then you cant really/shouldnt really just not help them because they dont know how to appreciate things? i dont know. something like that. ._.

anyway i think my mummy is awesome! (: yesterday evening i was feeling peckish so i texted her to ask her if it was convenient could she buy some random biscuits or something for me please. and she ended up going to ntuc she got this big bag of mini m&m + biscuits + hellopanda + tasty + babymantous. i love my mummy im totally set for the next whole week! hopefully. anyway. or else i thin i would be kind of... overeating...

i need to cut my fringe. haha. seriously. :/ when i have the time.... which is... goodness knows when... ohwell.

okay. ECONS (:

chapter #143: some secrets just arent meant to be told

2009-03-08T19:50:00.003+08:00

i am a bit ruffled. by some things.

i don't understand coffee bean's 'no studying' policy.

on saturday i was sitting at coffee bean. for about 15 mins. with my mocha ice blended. i opened up my stack of econs notes for about 5 mins. to check some economic concept that i was mentally revising. when some waiter came up to me and politely told me that i wasnt supposed to study there (and there was an empty table next to me) okay. so i understand why they might not like people studying there they buy only one drink, occupy tables and deprive other customers of a seat.
but while i was staring at people i noticed stuff. like this guy next to me in particular. was sitting there using his computer with one drink. was there before i arrived. and was there before i left. and was still there some one hour later when i passed by coffee bean again. and he never got asked to leave. what, because he's using electricity and contributing to your company's utilities bill? what is the difference between a student with one drink and mugging there for say, an hour. and a guy on a computer with one drink and using the computer for an hour?there_is_no_difference. okay, maybe there is. he's wasting electricity, the student isnt. -____-
moral of the story? type out all your notes on the computer and plug your com into coffee bean sockets. free electricity and at only the cost of a drink! and they cant chase you out coz they cant prove you're studying coz, you know. you dont have open books and foolscap paper in front of you. alternatively you can also open an extra internet browser - just in case.

and for this i shall be eternally supportive of starbucks and java chip frap venti. or at least, the ~~two~~ four outlets that ive mugged in so far for a few hours and didnt get chased out of just because i didnt have a laptop in front of me.

anyway. on a separate note today during training my trainer mentioned this 'exhibitionist' that the trainers all talk about. it's some lady who always dresses 'sexily' (read: ~~sport~~ bra and shorts/leggings) and walks around the gym. and she's there almost twice a day. about 5/6 days a week. occasionally she exercises. otherwise she just has walking exercises around the gym. lol. to her credit i think she has a good body. what else can i say...?

life & humans can be so deathly amusing.

and i realized i should just shut-up on some things and just not mention them. ._.
some things are just not meant to be said. ^^

chapter #142: when do you know its right and when its wrong?

2009-03-06T21:27:00.002+08:00

ARCHIVE. talk about an easy way of getting rid of work. lol. at least it doesnt stare in your face the moment you open your inbox. :/

anyway. i had a terrible terrible day today! like one of my ALLTIMELOWs. moral of the story: dont sleep at 130am if you know you cant take it. so i more or less got to school. looked dead. felt dead. fell asleep in geog. but i got happier in math. coz i could actually do integration :D without much assistance. (: and subsequently it just went downhill i think. not the easy-going downhill. the badmood-downhill. econs was like. ._. i fell asleep in gp while attempting my compre and then went to lit for 5 mins. or maybe 10.

people were being uncooperative and i am not God. and neither am i a genius. wth i dont work miracles and i cannot give you an immediate answer. :( but thank you zhixiang/claire/shao for being around and making me :) and i apologize to anyone i snapped at. including part of rachel, the juniors (coz they were planning to pour water on me.) and tag.

so anyway match with mjc. which is like at pasirris D: so i had a good uninterrupted peaceful deeeeeep sleep on the 154 all the way to eunos mrt. so i woke up feeling considerably better. ive never been so tired in a match and i played in 3 different positions and ran around like an energizer bunny. but anyway it ended 1-0. credit to lynette and weining. :D

so right now the adrenaline rush's faded. which means that i probably will be sleeping earlier tonight since there's training at 730 tomorrow. ._. but right now im happy after eating... a good dinner. lol. and being conscious. but that's fading fast. ah. i hope the weekend passes by quickly simply coz its of no relief to me. if anything it just makes me feel worserer than usual. or something. it depends.

now i want to sleep. D:

chapter #141: yes and no.

2009-03-04T20:04:00.002+08:00

huishi please grow some brains and be less careless. )<

i cannot believe i lost an essay plan. ROAR. waste my time having to redo it again wthwth. sighs.

i should stop complaining and start on it. probably alot more efficient that way in any case. :/

chapter #140: who knows what we could do?

2009-03-01T18:06:00.002+08:00

i think im hungry. or i just have a subway craving. coz everytime i see the world "melt" im thinking of - subway melt. D:

whatever. lol.

i got a new pencilcase and my new file today! :D its not from artbox lah, my pencilcase. i did try artbox. but the stuff seemed too... excessive. for my liking so i gave up haha. not that i dont like admiring the designs. i think they're pretty. (: its just that i would get sick of it after staring at it for some time. lol.

i love my billabong australia hoodie. today i forgot to bring my umbrella out. so i had to zip up my file under my hoodie then put on the hood and walk home in the.. somewhat heavy rain. of course i was freaked out like insane crazy (im afraid of thunder and lightning) but when i got home i was SUPER dry it was quite unbelievable. and so were my notes, of course. :D

i want a new phone! already, i know. i decided that i liked the 6600 clamshell. or the 7510/7610 supernova. just coz those are kind of a little flashy. i dont know. hmm. ): my mum said she wanted to change my phone. but she wanted to change it to an iphone. but i didnt want an iphone. lol. (besides. if i had gotten it she'd have made me explore it for a few hours.) and im a diehard nokia user. (not fan. just user.) so yeah. 6600/supernova :D haha i might not get it of course. depending on how well my dad trashes his phone over the next few days. right now it doesnt charge very well and screws up frequently enough.

kay this post is quite meaningless. i think. lol. i should go and do homework/mug/time scrapbook/project stuff, etcetcetc so many things to do wth. sighs. D:

tomorrow is a busy day but at least i dont feel like i did on saturday - pon everything and sleep. lol. but of course i didnt. sense of responsibility ftw. ):

chapter #139: when we're six feet under the stars

2009-02-28T22:31:00.002+08:00

:D huishi is happy today.

i am VERY HAPPY for anzai and jia because apollo won facdance last night. yes i know i am aresian. that doesnt stop me from being happy for two of the people who are very special to me. and also because i think anzai is an incredible dancer. :D

training today i was burning in the sun. i think coach was quite irritated when i kept not being able to score despite not having any defenders around me AT ALL. like wth. sighs. i need to go do some serious reflection. and extra remedial for shooting. ):

huishi. focus.

after that i had a relatively interesting lunch at coro with part of the team. weining made manymany blunders as usual which kind of really just confirmed our belief that she will be the next sala. :D

kidsread. where i slacked off mostly coz vanessa was teaching the kids and dom was... being lazy. ^^ but i "made up" for it by giving 'private tuition' to some little china boy for about 15 mins after kidsread ended. i feel so disgraced that i cant properly phrase sentences in chinese coz i dont know the correct ci to use for it. i didnt know what 'rectangle' and 'shapes' were in chinese. wth. whatever la i think i will spend kidsread sessions giving private tuition for my p6 kid and mrchinaboy. that is, when i can actually make it for kidsread.

meetings after that. just a little bit boring. D: i wish yuteng was there it doesnt feel good to be alone in a sea of ... acsi people. lol. nothing against acsi of course i have some favourite people there. its just that when its one of you and... what. 7/8 of them you kind of naturally feel abit overwhelmed at least. ): and then of course. yec meeting. haha. ._.

everything after that was really nice. and awesome. and happy. and surprising. :D yes. surprising. i want a new pencilcase and a file! ): for some reason i cant find my d-ring posity file ANYWHERE ITS PISSING ME OFF SO BADLY. i want a new file. ):

2009-02-25T23:25:00.002+08:00

JJO indeed. lol. (:

(its interesting how deathly amusing our conversations can be even though sarcasm is consistently lost over msn and we do not communicate otherwise since i see a need to be silent during "JJO"s.)

and as for you...

--

chapter #138: the world through your eyes

2009-02-25T20:35:00.005+08:00

ECONOMICS TUTORIAL 3B IS HANGING MY BRAIN...

i hate the multiplier and i hate NI.

i want to flop on my bed and forget work. and fall asleep.

so the past two days havent really been particularly eventful. i did work. i did more work. and i did even more work.

i guess one of the more memorable things was that on tuesday i went back to fycck after like AGES of having not gone. and then i tutored this little girl, her name is shijie she's quite sweet. she's like. p3/4 only. i think. yeah. then i helped her with her science. then math. and she's so... hardworking. and enthusiastic. in a way. she actually tries to think. unlike several occasions where kids just shut their mind off and wait for you to feed them the answer. so i really enjoyed tutoring her. haha. :D

then i went to walk around lotone for awhile to find stuff to buy for people. and i did manage to find some stuff. :D joy. lol.

today was probably more uneventful. i was overstraining my leg muscles when i ran the 8 rounds today. i think. 17 mins hmmm. ive deproved. but i guess i was like pacing people for quite some distance so i didnt really push or something this time. im getting less and less accustomed to being able to run alone like i always use to. is bad. D: and i had a good time at lunch talking to sufen and liann. although when i went to say hi to the juniors max effectively stunned me into silence. x_X right.

training today haha. the juniors are nice people haha. funny. yeah.

thats about everything that happened i think. i got to talk to sophia and nat after they emerged from the depths of interact. supposedly having learnt cantonese but when i attempted to converse with them in said dialect they couldnt even understand me haha. :S serves to emphasize that 2 hour crash courses in dialects are not useful. seriously.

i like all my little groups of friends its so fun knowing that you can go everywhere and talk to people coz you know them. like in one day i veer off in so many different directions its funny. during lunch i was with -part of- my clique then i went to talk to anzai then i went to talk to the juniors then back to my clique. and then after school i was with my team and then i went to talk to my igroup then back to my team. haha.

im eating so much but not gaining any weight. if anything. im losing weight! please explain the logic behind that. thanks.

and i injured my ankle. ):

tomorrow looks set to me more eventful i suppose. run + minigathering + shopping. maybe i can find pretty letter paper for my angel/mortal like some people in my class haha. (:

chapter #137: don't cry. don't cry. don't cry. don't cry.

2009-02-23T20:55:00.004+08:00

i actually had a good day today.

i heard some classical guitar this morning that wasnt exemplary. but enough to make me happy. (: so i had a stupid grin on my face in the morning that lynette apparently got quite sick of.

and then. i dont even remember much of what happened during the day. O_o except that i really am very very happy for my goodfriendof5years coz she's FINALLY hooked up. and being happy. (: haha she totally deserves it.

we'll be okay when tomorrow comes.

(:

/edit. wth am i damn scary or what. in a moment of lack-of-concentration i dropped the penknife (exposed blade) and it nearly landed on my foot. wth. O_o

chapter #136: the sound of all the places we could go

2009-02-22T19:45:00.002+08:00

(thank you for keeping me sane)

OKAY this weekend has been really tiring. ):

financial literacy workshop on saturday morning. the first thing we all thought was like. "WA. this is like one of those speed dating things." lol. but we got to play the game thing. which was really quite fun la i guess. and some people "retired". then after that i went with claire to suntec coz i wanted to get some stuff for my angel/mortal. but we ended up sitting in macs eating mcflurry. :D! for awhile. then i went to novena. for church.

i dunno why i felt so braindead from the whole day sighs. ):

today was tuition lol. i actually managed to get work done but i realized that my integration and differentiation like seriously sucks. like i couldnt remember how to differentiate sec theta. D: i need to start revision. like really soon. blocks is in two weeks!

then after tuition i went around to get some stuff for my angel/mortal. :D so they will get nice letters tomorrow.

i think im not being very coherent right now. hmmm. i need to mug right now so i guess i should go and concentrate since i havent been very focused over the past few days.

i need to focus for the next whole month plusplusplus. YEC + blocks + tournament + interact can my head get anymore crammed plz. ._.

chapter #135: i decided that i missed you.

2009-02-20T23:35:00.002+08:00

; the heart contains all that cannot be said.

i had a pretty tiring week in general haha i cannot believe i havent blogged for like almost a whole week. O_O maybe that's an indicator of how tired/ depleted of brain juices i am. lol.

aye. and so many things have happened since last saturday i dont know what to talk about haha. :/

i think training's starting to feel like it's killing me. three times a week plus one PT and i havent been finding time for interact at all coz when i finally have a free day to go for interact my freedom calls louder than the needs of the young children. how selfish. ._. i feel awful about it.

regardless, this week must have been one of my all time most stressfully unproductive weeks. i dont feel like ive accomplished much at all even though i already feel quite drained out. ):

i think this post is super incoherent whatthehell okay i guess maybe i should just go rest/read economist/read time or something. and think about whether i should go for training tomorrow or sleep in for a change.

i think im going to go shopping tomorrow afternoon! (:

goodnight, i won't be here when you wake;
and i love you, ___________________.

chapter #134: you dont have to hurt anymore.

2009-02-14T22:20:00.003+08:00

i think i had the greatest time today with the most unexpected people haha.

so i woke up in the morning in a pretty dull mood. i woke up like 4 times in the night before finally dragging myself out of bed at 730 to go get ready for training. then i had this dam stone face all the way to school lol. but then i met my team! and i got happier already. :D lol. training wasnt so bad. didnt run so much or anything. shufeng kind of got injured though. ):

match on monday!

/ so after training we went out for lunch! at meridien. then i met some dam nice people lol xD and went on a little walk around from plaza to raffles city. something like that haha. i wont detail what i did la. lest totally random people who visit my blog warp the story and stuff.

but ah. LOVE! and thank you to those people who made my day a really nice day.
- team! siquan anzai chuankhim jiahan.

and i probably laughed alot and got to see alot of new stuff.

and i had alot of fun on valentine's day. :DD

okay im kind of tired so i'll do some work then sleep. :) and i hope everyone else had nice valentines day with the people you love and like and all that.

this is what a good life is made of.
not just valentine's day - just every day of your life.

and its kind of been proven that you dont/wont live in the past forever. i dont think anyone hangs forever. and then i guess if i know now that it can be so easy in the end to let go of something that you thought you'd care forever about; then why would i still hang because of you.

chapter #133: coz i WILL forget if thats the only thing i can do.

2009-02-13T23:32:00.004+08:00

; maybe some things are just not meant to be

i just came back from orientation campfire haha it was a blast. except for some parts. :) apollo won play+flag. i thought the play one was a deserved win. im neutral about the flag. and i was real happy coz i got to sing old hwachong songs with all the juniors. going crazy and jumping around and forming one of those deathhhhly tiring train things. but i escaped during the dance part. coz i was too lazy to attempt to follow the steps. haha i havent had so much fun in such a long time. :)

we were supposed to have "og reunion". but like what i said - what og?

/ haha maybe some things stop mattering as time passes and its not even because we want it to stop mattering. it just that they simply do_.

im glad i can communicate with the juniors relatively okay. talk to them and stuff. (: and i think my angel (whoever he is) is amazingly cute. haha _cute_. and some of them are quite funny and stuff. though i kind of get bullied sometimes // alot of the times.

i got a few extra injuries here and there but they're all minor so nevermind. and rashes! those make me very sad. and painful everywhere. and i have to sleep soon coz we have training tomorrow and its correction training so i think my mind isnt supposed to be semi-conscious. ): we watched match videos today. and it was quite frustrating. why dont mistakes just correct themselves. ):

kay i guess besides that i dont really have much to say. im tired/not in the best of moods and i have training tomorrow. think i'll plug up with 'the man who cant be moved' and lie in bed for awhile just to think. or actually a thing like me being overtired and sleeping once my head hits the pillow is also possible. we'll see.

the less sad part - anzai (who was very hot onstage), jialin, staf!, angel, siquan (my smileyface balloon friend), jiajun, amanda, dingchun and my veryawesometeam. and most of 08a10. and 09a10. you have the people who made my day. :)

i think i'll join my team for lunch tomorrow then go shopping by myself for secret valentine. or other random stuff. retail therapy ftw. :)

(possibly we would turn and walk away. because we dont care to try/ dont want to try/ too proud to try. or maybe not all of that but simply because we didnt. try. and because of that there would be nothing left to say// and we would have lost all we ever had.)

; okay if im giving up too easily i'll fold up those memories like they were pieces of paper and throw them away because thats the only thing i know i can do with it.

i want monday to come around soon.

but then i dont. coz i dont want to see you.

chapter #132: i know i cant fall in love with you

2009-02-11T20:24:00.002+08:00

im quite frustrated at not being able to understand many things that i want to understand/ that i should understand.

and im injured. because today it rained so we had to go in to the area outside audi to play. but it was slippery and i wasnt paying enough attention once so i slipped and fell. and slammed my right elbow and knee against the hard, hard floor. so i have two open wounds and im not sure what happened to my knee but it hurts alot. could just be a bruise, though. :)

2.4 trial run today. i wasnt disappointed with my timing lah. since i did an extra round and during the run i had bouts of nausea + deathly painful tibias (leg muscles). but i could probably do alot better - should probably do alot better. so i'll probably go run more or something sometime.

i cant decide on whether to go for og outing on friday night. or to go for campfire. i have training the next day anyway.

im quite displeased with many things! sighs i need to get life up and around. and all that.

someone save me. ):

(oh but i was very amused today. :D even if some people were being very mean and disregarding my opinions. ^_. )

chapter #131: i need your loving hands to come and pick me up

2009-02-10T20:07:00.003+08:00

i have many things to say but if i say everything this blogpost will be even more tedious to read than usual.

training on monday! its very nice to have people you can fool around/roll around in mud with. :)not literally. but still. but its also very frustrating when you keep getting stuff wrong and you know you're getting stuff wrong and you try to remember not to get it wrong but you STILL get it wrong. its gets pissifying at yourself after awhile. but we practiced clearances and i didnt do all too badly... sometimes. hai. i need to improve so badly.

/and shao tried to tape up my leg coz my tendon was hurting like crazy. but then i think she taped it wrongly so when we were doing DW i felt like bloody supply to my leg was being cut off and it ended up hurting even more. so i took it off. so my tendon still hurts. ._. goodness.

today i went to eat xiaolongbao at beauty world! it was very nice. :D

2.4 trial run tomorrow i think im totally screwed i havent run in a few weeks my stamina must have deproved drastically. or something. i dont know i dont want to do it. but its like/ not really a choice. and then after that i dont even get to stop coz i have to do self PT since im missing team PT on thursday. groar. and shao says i bring it upon myself coz everyone else would just dao.

but then how can i bring myself to slack and not train fitness when my fitness feels like its deproving tremendously! i want to go back to my 30kms per week but i havent the time so. ._. i will add on rounds to 2.4km tomorrow if ms lum lets me then i will do some self PT. yes. :)

i still feel freaking tired today. so i should go chiong work and sleep early. haha.

italked! :D

2009-02-08T22:11:00.002+08:00

walao.

i want to talk to you.
but i dont know if i can/should. ._.

haven't felt this way in a long time!

but its okay it'll pass. :)

chapter #130: you can have manymany fun. :D

2009-02-06T21:36:00.003+08:00

it is easier to remove yourself from someone else's life,
than to remove someone from your life.
and it is easier to remove yourself from someone else's life,
than you may believe it is.

I AM GOING TO SLEEP EARLY TONIGHT so that i will have enough energy for match tomorrow. :)

and i am still scared but at least a lot more confident. willnotdiewillfocus. perform. ._.

i got blue and purple highlighters today. coz i wanted to read my new econs notes and make it more colourful besides just light turquoise. i was very happy with the colours. :D

we were supposed to go play court with weining during first break. but then we got lazy and i wasnt feeling very well. quite stuffy. in fact. so i sat around at class bench alone until tag came back and decided to carry on his usual insults/vulgarities at me. so obviously reacted. yesyes i know its bad to simply react. but its okay. its tag. :)

juniors played slipperyslope today! ah. so reminiscient of the good times we once had with our various OGs. its very nice. how they all believe they're going to love their OGs forever! and always remember orientation coz it was awesomeshizz! and stuff like that. i remember loving my OG immensely last year i almost didnt want to bond with my class. and zhixiang told me. HAH you wait and see it will fade. i didnt believe him of course. but it DID fade in the end. now OG is like - huh. oh. okay. - lol. well i guess at least i bother to wave to about half of my OG still. when i see them around.

yes okay i guess i dont have anything left to say and i want to do work now. :D

chapter #129: don't frown on the world that makes you smile

2009-02-05T21:01:00.002+08:00

i have been spamming math now i feel very math-logged... D:

nevermind i shall finish math tonight and submit like my entire holiday homework package + P&C + 14A&B to ms kwee tomorrow and she will be the happiest teacher on this earth.
(or at least. a bit happier.)

so anyway. match yesterday! :D

i was so stressed. even though sarah said i seemed unusually calm. thats coz i went through all the visible trauma on my own the night before lol. the next day was for just. concentrating on what you have to do. there. but i was so stressed anyway. lol. and also so happy. even though i fell down a few times. collided with people. got knee scrapes and aching hamstrings. happy. :) and it honestly felt very very very good. and like bryan tells me. never think you're going to play badly because if you do, you'll play badly.

and i slept early.

so today seemed like a very boring day compared to yesterday but its okay we cannot have exciting days all the time. it is bad. haha.

kay im still quite tired and well i have math to do i think i shall go do my work now then.

chapter #128: keep calm. listen.

2009-02-03T20:05:00.002+08:00

how is it that people always hurt the most the one they loved the best...?

objective.
focus.
go.

goodnesspleasehelpmeconcentrateonthis/imustnotlosefocus.

i pressure myself too much. seriously.

tomorrow. ._.

today was quite uneventful, i suppose. besides that someone just justified his name today. and then i spent some time with claire finding people in the yearbook. and went around checking out the 'most talked about' hotjuniorguy in school so far. ^_. lol. its quite ridiculous, actually.

(dont really need this right now.)

chapter #127: if you can't forget. then at least, try to forgive.

2009-02-02T21:00:00.002+08:00

one - you make me so damn pissed i wish i could stab you but i cant for 'old times sake'. but then i think about it and i realize you dont give a damn about old times anyway.

two - my tailbone hurts. -sadface-

OKAY. i will not be a mournful little thing there are many things to be happy about. :)

back to school! ah it felt awesome to be back. awesomeawesome. :DDDD

and i got to see shao and claire and rach and lyn and louise and amandy and the rest of my class. :) and zhian and siquan! :)

and i got niaoed by tag and fabian today about... various. things. ^_. but it was all quite funny in a stupid way so i guess i dont really mind. :)

but the yongtaufoo stall wasnt open. ):

training was really fun and cool! though i fell down twice. xD and killed several braincells. and i felt extremely cheated by mr tan coz he was supposed to help us at some parts during game. but he kept cheating. and scamming me. and he would only tell me he was on my side when it was already too late. groar! but besides all that it was still very fun. :D and then i got a ride home after that.

which all just proves that its so easy to be happy. -contented look-

match this wednesday and saturday. id be lying if i said i wasnt scared. but im also anticipating it alot. :D maybe feeling scared isnt too bad. since it just makes me want to try even harder.

today charissa told me something about friendship. and love. i guess. just cause she doesnt give a damn doesnt mean you stop trying for her. that's friendship! you give without expecting in return! it's like love! but how?

chapter #126: i cause mental distress to others when im tired.

2009-02-01T23:17:00.002+08:00

i am tired. and apparently i cause mental trauma to other people when im tired. how terrible of me.

i told bryan i got oakleys and he shrieked at me. for about one second. then derrick asked me to explain YES PECAN. and i said something totally random about nuts and how you should say yes to nuts because they're healthy and good for you!

yes. i think i need to sleep. like right now.

but i dont feel like sleeping. every part of me is tired. im physically tired. mentally drained (from paperwork. -___-) apparently not thinking straight or responding coherently. but i still want to sleep.

i should sleep now so that i have a higher chance of being conscious in school tomorrow. haha. yay. life.

i wanna drink coke. i think im going to go downstairs and get coke.

chapter #...: something which gives you so much more of a reason to live.

2009-01-30T16:40:00.000+08:00

i should learn to check my facebook only once in every like i dont know. 5 days. so much more entertainment value. lol. i havent checked it in the past 4 days or so and signed in i was laughing for awhile at some of the photo comments. photos aside, i think my fb is more or less inactive anyway.

but its okay.

i love the backstreetboys! :DDDDDD that's where the past two title-less posts originated from.

sometimes its not all so bad to genuinely believe you're going to die in this unknown place you never imagined you would die at/ in a way you never imagined you would die. and i think believing that you're going to die, then. that kind of strong feeling is such a wonderful thing - coz it kind of makes you learn to treasure life so much more.

i havent got much time left but well i'll see everyone on monday! again. with all the new j1s, of course. then (i think) there is PT. and then just school in general. ah. the little beauties of life. :DDD it feels good to come back and feel so full of things to do. :D

i'll be back later tonight, i think. i hope so! out for now. (:

2009-01-28T19:54:00.001+08:00

; how did i fall in love with you

2009-01-28T14:43:00.001+08:00

; listen baby, im sorry
just wanna tell you don't worry

- i will be late;
don't stay up and wait for me.

chapter #124: so much more than i can say

2009-01-27T09:12:00.005+08:00

today im feeling like i have alot to blog about. but no energy to do so. heh. lol. my maternal side cousins just left awhile ago and im just totally tired from all the relative visiting + entertaining done today. this is even though i saw a really really chubby baby who was beyond adorable and a nice little girl. and of course i got to play with my favourite babycousin. :D

im dam hungry. ):

yesterday night i managed to have a rare prolonged conversation with my cousin. (: it was very nice, actually. (:

when we came back from opc mrquek once told me that friends come and go. and you cant possibly keep every one of them. so you have to know which ones to keep. and then a short time after that when i was talking to jiajun he said something like - how do you talk to all your friends every 1-2 weeks and i said that i dont try to talk to everyone every 1-2weeks. just those that i care about and those that 'intrigue' me.

intrigue sounds like such a terrible word to use D:
but nevermind. that's like not the point.

but, then. how do you know which friends are for keeps. which friends you should bother keeping in contact with every 1-2 weeks, or so. / im learning - they're the ones who care enough to bother to call/text asap if they know you're looking for them. the people who dont find it a waste of time - talking to you. and i suppose the people who sit down not just to listen, but also to talk. and vice versa.

i think maybe thats still pretty broad a region. people you know like for a short time may be all of that! simply because the friendship is new. but i guess i havent discovered that part yet.

(but i have quite a few people id want to thank on friendship day this year. :D! )

but at least for the next few hours or so my mind will be thinking more of whether i should go eat maggi or cold rice because my stomach feels empty and hollow.

; take time-
to love
the world that's right -
before your eyes. (:

chapter #123: if you really want me.

2009-01-26T20:00:00.003+08:00

; coz i want to know
but it doesnt mean i want everyone else to know.

i got many hongbaos today! :D and also a wire drumset from a friend who made me leave my family gathering. -raises eyebrows-

lol. (: i think one good thing about today and yesterday is that. im starting to connect with *some* of my cousins a bit better. i think it's nice to know you can still talk comfortably with people you dont see in 1923847234 lightyears. or at least that tends to be how it seems. and also talking to my grandma get more interesting. apparently. maybe because i dont see her very often. even though i still dont understand more than 90% of whatever she says. but its okay. (: i get by with erm. FRANTIC HAND GESTURES. lol. xD

one bad thing is that my tolerance towards many other people has taken a sharp nosedive. which is bad. duh. i finished the fountainhead by ayn rand today. and i dont think i'll read atlas shrugged for at least the next month or so. i need a break from rand haha. i think i'll read something else. readings + economics. maybe a bit of philosophy since ive taken a sudden interest in it as a consequence of reading rand. (: rand is awesome. :D

i feel abit tired now anyway. and i think i should go try to start on economics. ohwell. ):

chapter #122: when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky

2009-01-25T15:07:00.003+08:00

; trawler

ayn rand is an extremely interesting read.

i got reunion dinner in two hours or so. but im hungry already. D: how?

okay eat already im happy. my grandma came into the room to talk to me just now. i dont understand hainanese so i barely understood a word she said. but its okay i answered when i could understand heehee. :D

but ohwell i feel happier now than i was in the afternoon. (:

i like new things. (:

chapter #121: to you who will never know -

2009-01-24T21:44:00.006+08:00

cny celebrations on friday!
i really had quite alot of fun. even though some parts of it werent very nice :S haha well life cant be all pretty and beautiful. so anyway. we sold nachos and made a pretty nice profit. :D yay! and we had fun as a class and fooled around and took class photos for abit. it's been like what. a year since our class last took proper photos. lol.

so anyway after that i decided not to visit ny anymore since the teachers were probably gone and all so i went out for lunch with some of the a10-ers. claire/joanna/van/ruizi/tag/shenhong. we ate as sakae teppanyaki, took a photo there and then went to bum around near the fountain. tag was super embarassing. he almost got drenched once standing near the fountain. then he started talking to this random little boy. and then when he finally went into the middle of the fountain two random streams of water shot out from nowhere and almost drenched him a second time. ITS A SIGN, TAG. and so he errr... held some water in his mouth and made like a portable merlion. :S

but after that i wanted to go to plaza/orchard area to get some stuff/shop for clothes. and the rest were kind of mugging for their SATS so tag came with me. and i made him walk from plaza all the the way to taka with me. he sat down alot. mostly a bad thing. but once it helped me to get some precious sleep time. (: and then after that we went back to bugis to meet van/ruizi. and i went off to meet my OG for like what. 5 minutes. lol.

/ you waved! :D i think i was expecting a nat-reaction when i waved to you. but it wasnt! :D

i got injured today during training! :D i felt like i got a crushed ribcage and my elbow and knee is still hurting from when i fell and got a bruise/abrasion/whatever. but its so fun. :D i think the team thing is awesome. and everything. coach is hilarious. alot of the times. :D perhaps this is why i wake up and go back to sleep three times in the morning coz im dead tired but still i drag myself out of bed in the end. :)

today my trainer told a random guy that maybe he could win me on strength but he couldnt win me on stamina. and then random guy's trainer told me a random racist joke. haha strange people. ._.

; the only difference is, you call another name.

chapter #120: we're all waiting for you/waiting for something to happen

2009-01-22T20:20:00.002+08:00

i remember when i was in sec 2/3 during cny celebrations i met eli on the bus. he was all black so i asked its cny! why arent you red like everyone else. and he pointed to a miniscule dot on him which was red and said - nah. red what.

lol. i had a pretty good day today anyway. although i kept falling asleep during econs tutorial. i dont know why!

i decided to destroy my file. :D well not exactly destroy. just draw on it. with help from louise/shao/rachel/jolene/etcetc. other people i asked la. basically. it turned out quite interesting. except that the 'permanent marker' doesnt seem quite permanent it keeps rubbing off me. D: or my other things like my wallet/handphone pouch. so irritating i gotta go clean it later. ):

; still forgiving you no matter what mistakes you have made.

linus came around for cell today. i managed to talk to him abit... lol.

then i made tag go for a walk with me to discuss "the meaning of life". not really in the end. it was just um. general talking. and then chihern joined us for awhile. it was quite nice. and we managed to talk quite abit and all even though tag was like. niaoing for no apparent reason. =___= but its okay he was generally okay for a tag already. lol (: but then later i had lynette and claire for conversation so i abandoned him. :o!

kay. i did some 'shopping' with yangzi and claire at 7-11, german marketplace and then ntuc. we kind of moved progressively downwards and i partly blame claire because she was indignant about having walked all the way out just to get cheesy nachos. which didnt turn out really cheesy actually. but we got quite a few nice things. so not a total loss, i suppose. i'll probably spam more cheesy nachos tomorrow. the REAL kind. :/

im not really supposed to be busy over the newyear. i think. but i think i kind of am going to be. hmmm. ahwell they call this life. i dont know how i want to spend half of tomorrow, though. the after-school half.

my mother bought a singing dog. wth.

/to jianrui! hope you did well for your TT! :))))))

chapter #119: these hearts they race from self control

2009-01-21T21:17:00.007+08:00

; baby let's go paint the town red

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY SHAO! AND JUSTIN! :)

lol. i had alot of fun today making shao do random things to get her present and of course squirting her with a water gun. even at night when she got her 'revenge' by squirting back with a supersoaker. the water was cold D:

and i finally gave people their birthday presents. my goodness how lag am i plz. and i just realized i missed someone's birthday! omg. and its someone nice too! k i suck. thats bad.

i think phia/nat/liktak (and sometimes even eliseus) make interact alot more fun for me. and happy. :D they are like perpetually a bundle of laughter. and we get to share stories about commserve. like stalkerguy/flasher. :)

/ i think you're dumb. dumber than the person you seem to enjoy calling dumb. and using all the wrong ways to wean someone off you. you're succeeding better in hurting people (even if to some extent they deserve it) and also hurting the ties you're -supposed- to have with everyone else.

OKAY. bigfish/smallfish. a few more days to cny! :D iwanttoponinteractonthatday i want to spend time with my class. ): that wasnt sarcastic. really. i dont spend my life with the class but you know it doesnt mean i dont enjoy it when i do spend time with -the class-.

kay. math econs and geog beckon. D:

/edit im sorry i was just greatly humoured by this.

i was assured that this was the only opportunity i would ever get to wear a strapless bra - jiajun
(this was in reference to the heartrate equipment they were trying for PE. lol.)

chapter #118: keep loving; keep believing (:

2009-01-19T20:56:00.004+08:00

my system is pissing me off. it keeps screwing up. or maybe its just gmail.

my head is doing cartwheels sighs. ):

i really enjoy economics with mrtan. i learn so much more and im also so much more inclined to ask questions and find out about stuff. teachers do make a difference. but i wish i was in his lecture group because he keeps forgetting that we're not in his group. and he keeps making references. and of course i prefer his teaching style to ______. ^_. but well life isnt always about getting what you want so i guess i will deal with it and still do econs properly. coz mrtan is nice.

im not even going to discuss math. and i just know mskwee is going to return it tmr. high efficiency T_T. i always feel like i let her down.

the rest of the day went moderately well i guess. classes were... reasonably okay. surprisingly i didnt feel like sleeping or anything mostly. i paid attention as much as i could.

training! we were supposed to do 15 rounds around the track. 2 mins per round. 2 mins break in between. but we didnt have enough time if we wanted to continue so we did 10 rounds instead. yeah. it was fun (: as in. the whole thing. not just the running. i had a lot of fun. :D

i talked to jia today! and she made me very happy because she said my present was nice. :D okay lah she didnt say nice. she used some other word which i cant remember what it was. but it was a positive word. so i was very happy. :D i think its very nice to know that your efforts in doing things for people are appreciated. :D and it makes you want to do more for other-other people in future.

ohnoes. i owe people presents i need to drop by someplace to get presents sometime. D:

; and if you know what you want
are you prepared to go fight for it?

behappy. you! :D

/edit i feel so lame now lol. ._. but not everything that's lame is bad. i think. i hope? lol. :D

chapter #117: and i'll still believe in you no matter what.

2009-01-18T20:23:00.004+08:00

i had alot of fun the past few days but of course im not going to bore the world by going into detail about every single day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY jia, terence and michael! (:
17 no more! :D

i woke up bright and early on saturday morning though. and went to school to train with the soccer girls. then went for lunch with them and to peninsula. so by around 2pm i was already quite... tired-looking. but its okay. sugar does the job (almost) everytime.

headed to my grandma's house for reunion dinner. and i got smacked by the 15-month-old several times again for no apparent reason at all. but i realized i missed my grandma's cooking alot. not that i ate alot at reunion dinner. just " " more. (:

then i headed to shao's house... and managed to fall asleep on the bus, being extremely tired. i woke up before the bus hit bedok, though. thankgoodness. then i took the mrt to kembangan and basically sprinted all the way to shao's house. i am afraid of the dark and it was like almost 730 already. dark. -frowns- i climbed through the drain alone. imagining many rats and snakes. and also tramps hiding in the depths of the canal. but i got out safely though i think i managed to scare a resident in the area since she saw me just as i was coming out. she stopped her car to look. so embarassing. D:

but anyway. i ate more! talked about randomly stuff and then played zong ji mi ma to clear the fishballs and satays. but after awhile lynette, chris and shao got majorly distracted by the nerf. orwhateveritscalled. guns. and played with it for awhile. cake cutting, and then we made shao open her presents! :D she got many interesting things! including new un-smelly goalie gloves. xD lol. then we all got distracted by some show on plastic surgery where a guy was undergoing surgery to get a [quote] voluptuous butt. [unquote] it was um. funny and very weird both as the same time.

i did many math today! :D but i still feel unprepared for tomorrow so im going to do more after this post.

//

sometimes you dont want to but you know you have to do something. anything. to give yourself back your own life. maybe thats part of what im trying to do. i dont think anyone snaps out of anything too fast but - well at least im trying? (:

i dont think i'll ever fully leave till im physically detached from the people. the place(s). its probably not that easy. but im becoming so much more okay with it that at least still being there doesnt scare me or make me pissed off at myself or wonder why im still there when i shouldnt be.

you can be where you are. and be happy. (:

; and i know that i'll be leaving soon.

2009-01-16T23:26:00.001+08:00

; and do you have a reason to stay?

25 random things that everyone is doing

2009-01-16T21:24:00.004+08:00

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. (STAF IM DOING THIS SPESHULLY COZ ITS YOU. but im not tagging people... )

1. my pencilcase is actually meant to be a makeup bag. or so shao says.

2. i like scrapbooking. or just creating stuff in general.

3. i treat my cousins like the siblings i never had. (:

4. i play the drums. (:

5. i am a huge commitment-phobe. to both animate and inanimate beings. but its improving.

6. i learn boxing? em. yes. TOUCH ME AND DIE.

7. i treasure friendships more than i may seem to sometimes

8. i am terrible at window shopping.

9. i believe that i am both a bimbo and not a bimbo at the same time.

10. i am excellent at psychologically tearing myself apart if i dont meet the expectations i set of myself.

11. i like talking to people who teach me new things.

12. i talk to myself quite frequently

13. i am not a super mugger. really.

14. most of the dresses in my wardrobe havent been worn more than twice.

15. i have many stuffed toys at home, and 90% of them are presents from my friends.

16. i only ever get emo/reflective when my big aunt is about to pay me a visit from japan. (:

17. hence i am actually a happy person. even if i dont smile all the time. (because like someone once told me. you kind of look retarded if you smile all the time.)

18. occasionally i develop a stubborn faith in people. this stubborn faith usually gets me killed. lol. D:

19. i put in a tremendous effort to do stuff for people whom i really care about alot.

20. i already have a trip to taiwan/taipei planned with my sec4 cousin for after my 'a' levels and her 'o' levels.

21. i believe that you must have the egg before you can see the chicken. :D

22. i believe that i can do anything as long as i set my mind to it.

23. i aim to try bungeejumping from a very high building at least once before i hit my 21st birthday

24. i give people strange nicknames. and i call people mummy randomly. which often gets me weird looks. :D

25. after doing this quiz i feel like a boring person/dont know myself at all.

chapter #116: and i'll be missing you tonight

2009-01-14T20:25:00.003+08:00

i do alot of mental swearing nowadays. i think its kind of bad, even if im not saying it out loud. ):

guokai: next time i won't say hi to you when i see you around. evil frog.

PE today! we got misslam. she remembers my name already. she said bye when she saw me leaving school today. but she's quite imba with names so em. yeah. lol. she remembers everyone's names already!

/ need to improve SBJ i want my full marks. D:

i went running today. found a new route. i was freaked out - abit. coz the lane was quiet and then suddenly there was this whole lot of foreign workers! who were drilling and stuff. but nevermind. if you just run straight you'll eventually get somewhere. so i eventually got somewhere and took the same route back. i was right anyway. there were these sun-was-painfully-hot moments. but otherwise it was windy enough to not die of heatstroke. :)

i was going shopping... but out of the goodness of my heart i waited for claire who ended up more than 30mins late so i went off first. and 171 took forever and a day to come. i wonder what was up with it. D< but i did eventually get what i wanted to get even though it was abit of a rushed-affair. ^_.

but im tired. ._. from walking/reading/mugging. i want to sleep T_T but early night seems quite unlikely for the next two days. i have been having random nightmares. for unexplainable reasons. maybe im stressed/think too much before i sleep! its not TERRIFYING or something. it just makes me less-well-rested, i suppose.

besides that i have just been exploring a new author (introduced by lynette) ayn rand. 'founder' of objectivism. seem quite interesting and possibly less fiction-y. ohwell kay i should go do work now.

// i wish people wouldnt do this to me. now i think i need someone to talk to about it or i think i will just flounder in my lost miseries. D:

chapter #115: you're barely breathing out the words

2009-01-13T20:59:00.002+08:00

:S pbbbt. ive been influenced. and now its my turn to influence guokai into appreciating his new PE teacher! (a certain coughcrosscough coach) i only have PE tomorrow so im still left in er suspense about my new PE teacher. ^_.

/ i want to go offline now coz im superduper tired dunno why and besides guokai is educating me on the perils of GP. so i probably should stay and listen for abit.

/ mugging with tag can be fun sometimes. since he makes it less boring, i suppose.

i want to be alive and smiling in school tomorrow like i usually do so i think this is cue to concentrate on work and sleep early. :D

goodnight homies.

chapter #114: never said i wanted to change the way things were

2009-01-12T20:41:00.003+08:00

; coz you've been taking it for granted.

first day of school I ENJOYED IT. did you? (:

i got a domo-kun! and i enjoyed most of today. and *some* new teachers. but it wasnt alll that entirely enjoyable. i was mighty irritated about some stuff which i shant bother mentioning. and because of that i was a little bitchy at terence. (sorry, i know it wasnt your fault! D:) but anyway tag helped to cheer me up in his about half an hour conversation at the bench after his training. i laughed like super alot because he was being dumb but making me laugh.

williamtan/econs :D msli/hgeog : mrschua/pgeog :D fluffy/lit2 : kind of expected. but so far the vibes that our new form teacher has been giving me is kind of positive. he seems nice, and big. and nice. :D lol.

i saw guokai around alot today. and he had his perpetual :O look on his face.

i hate the new bookstore it is completely useless. it has endless supplies of stationary, foolscap paper, notebooks and goodness knows what other trash. oh. nail clippers. and nothing of real value. there are no textbooks. no books. it doesnt even sell the bloody school badge. D<

the canteen though i havent tried. even though ive explored the stalls and had some good laughs at the new names. im glad yongtaufoo is still there coz at least if i hate everything else i can just spam yongtaufoo like nobody's business coz its the safest. (:

some things still stay the same, at least. im happy for that.

work starts... today. ._. okaylah im not that sad about it. i miss the feeling of being overworked overstressed and all that. the pleasure derived from it all seems abit like cheap thrills but whocares it can be. fun in a way.

/tomorrow. just sit here and feel so alive i cant wait for everything to start happening all at once. life feels too good. (: there's never nothing to live for there's always so much to do.

i will miss you. ._. hmmm.

chapter #113: dont say you love me.

2009-01-11T20:53:00.002+08:00

(and is that you or a facade again. for the first time i think ever im hoping that thats just a facade.)

; maybe you never appreciated what you had so now you've lost it - and i dont feel sorry for you.

i need to be more delicate. -____- i always do random jerking movements that sends one object or another flying off my table and then i have to bend down to pick it up. -____- sighs. so mafan.

kay anyway i should be happier school is starting tomorrow. :) say hello to all those things you've been missing during the holidays lol. yup. :D maybe the only thing i dont like is that first day of school and they're leeching money from us poor souls already D<

start smiling start trying! not to be exaggerated-ly happy of course. rather/ just to be simply - happy. (: before i got home i meant to do many many things which i should be doing now but for some reason im blogging instead. badgirl. D:

sam is weird he keeps me in suspense. he was like. "oh i had a race. i drank 13 scoops of gatorade... it's alot of gatorade! (coz i said it wasnt alot.) it is like. half a can of gatorade powder. about 6.5 litres... oh. i came in first." people usually skip the gatorade part in the middle. lol. but its okay. CONGRATS SAM. :D life is looking up for you! xD!

alot of people make me happy/laugh alot of the times. and i can be happy about alot of things just maybe i dont always realize it. hmmm.

travelling through ecp on two wheels is actually quite fun. (: even though my biking skills have evidently disappeared into thin air. but on good days like today. feeling the wind in your face and messing up your hair is just. nice. :D yes. pretty nice. i should get lots of chances to bike anyway. on account of superduper many recces for the race thing.

maybe i want to make people happy tomorrow. which means i should start doing what i planned to do. hemmm.

chapter #112: thats how missing you feels.

2009-01-10T22:59:00.004+08:00

my new trainer is like. HUGE. asin. really HUGE. but he's nice. so nevermind.
i solemnly swear to get my own handwrap. for two very good reasons. firstly, if my handwrap is oversized it can take my trainer a full 2.5 minutes just to finish wrapping one hand. and secondly. its frikkin stinky. at least if its my own i can wash it. ._.

i felt so relieved of burdens today/this afternoon. even if just for awhile, it was good. at least.
how can you spend so much time on everything else that you stop having time for yourself?

my parents took me to watch blood ties today. staged by SIM i think. i understood the first show but i didnt like it. and the other two were... okay. i guess. some parts were funny, at least. it just had a very weak beginning. i think.

i realized that i always have a certain expectation of myself when im doing certain things. and especially more so when other people are involved. especially so for trainings. whether im doing it alone or with my trainer. i dunno. i'll push myself to surpass my own (and other's) expectations of me even if i feel somewhat like dying.

; learn from the mistakes of others. you cant make them all yourself.

i miss the passion and commitment in doing things for people, making them happy. maybe because you recognize that not everything you do can make people happy even if that's what you hope for. the only thing is - at least you try?

kay i need to rest coz i have recce tmr. D: i will continue this train of thought another time. (:

chapter #111: its like listening to war time stories except you dont get sick of these.

2009-01-09T22:50:00.004+08:00

interrogating jiajun is becoming like. a weekly must-do. i actually learn alot.
today i learnt about circadian cycles and finding meaning in the things you do (:
(and of course that intensive increases body temp and causes a temporary appetite loss.)

when people emo, it always seems to be about the same things.
and i think people in general can relate to it at some point or the other.

but it's all so tremendously depressing, repetitive, and at some point you just wonder -
why emo?

we've all loved/lost. questioned. hurt. wondered if what you were doing was right. or wrong. wondering how you could keep up with it. if you could keep up with it at all. made mistakes. been let down. hated the world. at some point maybe hated yourself. and everything else.

but the end is always the same. you'll still come out - alive (:
so would you rather come out alive and happy. or alive and miserable?

hmmm.

im off to test my circadian cycle. then. xD

chapter #110: time flies when you're having fun

2009-01-09T21:13:00.002+08:00

my new gp teacher sounds kind of funky even though he's already sent us an email with some 22 attachments.

so anyway. consolespam yesterday! :D i went out for lunch in the afternoon after slacking around for most of the day. then i made a very-tired jr come help me carry the 360 to staf's house. we made it there and then bummed around and laughed about jr's christmas present before we got around to [attempting] to set up guitarhero. jr was all "LET ME HELP!" and then he sat on the sofa and did nothing. -____- we never got around to setting it up proper/playing it till anzai got here. and then we decided that anzai could pwn anything that was plugged into a socket. which he kind of did. he got all the high scores in guitarhero (and completed some 27 songs later in the night when i was asleep) and kept winning at halo3 frag. and it was also his 1337 skills i suppose that managed to help get guitar hero set up. the 360 properly plugged in. and all four 360 controllers properly connected. :D

what would we do without him.

we were planning to walk to east coast from 4-6am because we found bedok park connector. but then i think jia and i both fell asleep. D: i fell asleep at like. 145am after checking facebook, gmail, blog and smb. on hindsight why did i check gmail! then i wouldnt have had to go back to school today to get stuff from my lock when i am like. what. 2 days away from going back to the place 5 days a week. ._.

i had 4 hours of math tuition which was quite okay... then i went to chinatown to shop for cny. and ntuc. coz my relatives are flooding the house this year. (:

training + kidsread + esplanade show tomorrow and then routerecce + 4hours math on sunday.
then of course we all know whats going on on monday lah.

if it wasnt because everything is from different avenues and involving different things i would totally call myself no life.

kays. im going to do super printing now. and photocopying. :D may i be a happy person for the rest of the year. :D

chapter #109: i believe its meant to be

2009-01-06T21:06:00.002+08:00

; if i could look you in the eyes and remember everything from the past and -
still have a smile on my lips.

(but i dont think i could.)

`GRATULATIONS! to
JUNYI, BRYAN & ADWYN for all getting 7 for your chinese and never having to do it ever again for the rest of your lives. (: im glad to see that your chinese has improved significantly

so anyway. i think ive been starting to regain some sense of the little girl that i used to be before i entered college and ~~life changed~~ things became different (: the one that used to that that the world (and love) was at least half pretty, since it couldnt be allwonderful and amazing. not that i think that way anymore lah. but i guess im starting to put in an effort into things that i do. in communicating with people. remembering the little things and so on, i guess.

i wish id done some things differently. but ah. regret. what does it do? (:

consolespam with inspire (or like. 1/4 of it.) on thursday! :D somehow im not looking forward to it as much as i used to. as in. inspire-outings. in general. i cant really explain why though. its just one of those things that leave you without you realizing that its gone, maybe... maybe. ._.

okay. im quite tired from spamming kms the past two days. and of course also getting roughly attacked by a 1 year and 2 months old toddler. he smacked me on the face several times today for no apparent reason. and ordered me around and made me spend money on him. the only good thing that has kept me from daoing him is that he's a baby and his antics make me laugh.

ah okay i should rest for tomorrow. :D

chapter #108: i've said too much, but not enough.

2009-01-04T18:51:00.004+08:00

i am being easily rattled about the slightest things. and there apparently isnt a particular explanation for it because its not pms. unless i blame it on being 'overstressed', of course. which is a particularly lousy excuse.

anyway. thank you junyi. for saving my sorry ass in tuition today. heh. D: i forgot how to use sigma/method of differences. and i was staring blankly at my paper. like. "D:! how!" but he helped me in the end. even though it was really difficult to explain it over sms. lol.

; they say: hold your heart in.

(all that time i was just heading back to where i started)

where your world has been shaken so many times -
what's wrong with you, now?

do you find yourself at a place, and after coming this whole round. think that maybe this round hasnt made a difference at all. you havent lost anything. but neither have you gained anything. you've fallen. and picked yourself up. and loved. and lost. and lived. and died. opened. and closed. again.

would you run away with me and just forget the world.

after all that. and perhaps you don't want to take one more round. you're too tired to pick yourself up again. you don't want to see yourself losing things you knew you would. your heart's in too many pieces to have another heartbreak. and there's nothing in you that would make you want to fight again. and no one you really believe in enough to want to open.

but isnt this just life. and you still have to take that round. and manymany rounds. forever.

chapter #107: time to start and time to stop.

2009-01-02T22:04:00.002+08:00

i am in an i-want-to-escape-from-all-my-responsibilities mood again. D:

it tends to be enjoyable talking to people. until it becomes so hard talking to them that it feels like a herculean effort just to talk to them. ._. and i suppose everyone gets tired of trying.

; everytime i breathe i take you in
and my heart beats again.

mm..

chapter #106: doesnt really matter if you're not the one

2008-12-29T09:25:00.003+08:00

as of 9:30 in the morning i have managed to get a 2cm cut on my left forearm from work. ._. but it isnt very deep.

and i have also given up on math homework which i started maybe at around 9. and i discovered that i have lost all my basics of integration (and while we're at it probably differentiation, maclaurin's, sequences and series and everything else) so i give up on math. for now at least. i figure i'll do it sometimes next week after ive re-mastered my basics. ):

tomorrow's the last day of work for me. :D i guess i'll miss the place since it gives me time and all to do my homework. besides math i have basically finished everything else. :D which leaves me much time in the world to ponder over math, i suppose.

~~i suddenly need to think of things to do to fill up my week with. okay i need to go hm. back later.~~

i have gastric pains. D: but yes i have been eating properly and not starving myself.

411 night out. i was there only for like an hour or so. but it was okay i guess. i almost bought a hippo pencilcase. but then i changed my mind. just because. (: we had subway. i shared a footlong with claire. many veggies and some red wine sauce which ended up abit too sweet for my liking. and then we started having weird conversations which is part and parcel of most class outings. (:

my blogposts are quite irritatingly a narration of my life. it eventually gets very dull and boring. i think. hmmm.

aha. i feel like im interrogating someone now. i shall go direct all my energies there. (:

chapter #105: help me to love him again.

2008-12-25T22:16:00.002+08:00

; dont know where we went wrong.

i had a really good christmas eve and christmas day :D

spent my eve morning at my grandma's house with my cousin and then went to plaza to do abit of last minute shopping haha. and at night my parents took me out to have dinner at shokudo and then walk around orchard. there was this part immediately outside wisma atria that was just painful coz everyone was totally squashed and couldnt move at all. and then some malay guy started fighting in the middle of the bloody crowd and freaked many people out. ah. D:

we had to climb over the fence to get to the road to escape the mob which seemed increasingly dnagerous because people were getting frustrated and irritated. i do wonder what caused it though... but nevermind i got home safely in the end.

i got many christmas wishes! and i wished quite a few people too. and of course some wishes made me really happy. but ahwell. this is life and life is short. and it should be happy. (:

and today! i had a christmas party with my mum's family! they bought so much stuff to eat and i like alot of it. but i dont know why i just wasnt especially hungry or anything so in the end i didnt eat much except some potatoes and stuff like that.

(i saw you smiling/laughing during the movie! it was nice dont usually get to see you like that. i hope i get to see you like that more. ah. (: )

then i went to get a present from my friend. and then i went home. i had to walk home in the dark! and i was freaking freaking scared because it was bloody dark and the streets were really quiet and deserted. like one or two cars only. but then anzai was nice and gave me a call so i made him talk to me until i got home. he was nice enough and talked. so i was less scared. even though this guy was walking behind me. and i walked all the way out to the road specially so that i wouldnt be walking in front of him. he might have thought that i was crazy. but ohwell. heh.

maybe sometimes when you wish very hard for something... and you keep believing in it. one day even when it stops mattering, you still keep believing in it because perhaps its become a part of you. but maybe one day when you come close to getting what you've wished for... you realize that it doesnt matter anymore. and that disappoints you. it doesnt feel like it used to. but you still keep fighting for it to come true. and you just cant let it go. because its like letting a part of you go.

and that feeling hurts.

and leaves you empty.

but you just cant...

... just cant stop believing in that wish.

even though you dont really care for it anymore.

but the feeling's gone
and i just can't get it back.

chapter #104: all i want for christmas is you!

2008-12-23T11:01:00.003+08:00

~~responsibility~~ is a wonderful thing.

which would explain why i still started work at 9 even though i slept at 4 yesterday.

gift exchange/christmas gathering at shao's house yesterday! (: we watched [unknownshow] which was quite amusing in an absolutely wrong way. then we had dinner which shao's grandma cooked for us. it was good, really. and i have no idea how people control food intake. goodness. then we had gift exchange! :D

pictures up later but we got really cute/cool/unexpected/random/unusual things that we kind of liked messing around with and playing. and we got many shots of excited faces, happy faced, amused expressions, WTF looks and so on. and then we watched loveactually, which wasn't so bad. it wasnt that mushy.

after loveactually it was late. so we walked lyn/deb/char/louise out to the busstops/mrts. i climbed through the drain for the first time. :D it was quite fun, i suppose. since i was in slippers and it was more or less pitch black. i screamed three times. twice because i almost fell into the middle and one because when i was climbing back up my phone threatened to fall into the middle.

but i got out safe. (:

manda/me stayed over anyway. and we played halo2 on her xbox360. :D we tried halo at first, didnt get past the first 5 minutes of the game, gave up and then played halo2 for a long time. her brother came in halfway to walk around, watch us play, pick up her lighter and play with it. and walk out. and all the time i was wondering 'eh who's this guy?' and after he left and i asked. shao gave me this ?!?! expression. he looks girlier and less tan now compared to...when i last saw him. so. ._. notmyfault.

we stopped halo2 at around 4. when i had bathed and was sufficiently drained. and we slept on the couches in the family room. i woke up once at 5 and once at 6:59. got up to change for work and wash up... and went back. but neither of them were awake and i didnt want to read anything in the dark. so i sat there... and fell asleep.

and here i am now. trying to get homework done so that i wont have to cram it all into january. im actually being quite successful.

i need to catch up on my life! D: technically i should have all the time at night to do that. but i feel like i havent been doing it. hmmm. well i have the next few days to go think about it. though eating many christmas feasts and being happy is probably my aim for the next few days. maybe another gathering on the 26th! maybe. it's something to look forward too.

im going to design my own room. and possibly my mum's. get a new two-wheeled transportation. finish up whatever's left of my michael crichton collection. maybe jodi picoult too. if i can stand it long enough. find funky pencilcases coz myuk's getting old. haunt a few places. spam halo3. run. run. workout. (and many other things...)

chapter #103: keep trying and one day you may just succeed

2008-12-21T22:56:00.005+08:00

i went to the suzuki cup today. to watch singapore-vietnam.

it wasnt all that bad, i suppose.

firstly the live commentaries by the people around me were highly entertaining.

"carry him and throw him off the pitch lah!"

"return us our citizenship you're not doing anything anyway!"

"why his butt so big he look like he cannot run."

"eh? i thought your back injured? not injured anymore ah!"

and secondly i got to do a fair bit of yelling and screaming at MANYMANY missed shots. and possibly also at the many fallings and rolling arounds of the other team. it actually gets quite irritating. at least make it look real right. -___- but yeah when everyone else is at the stadium and screaming you can scream too. usually at those soccer-match-watching places i dont really scream.

i still had fun. even though the final score was... disappointing.

so besides that. i had alot of fun on saturday too.

christmas party for kidsread!

they made the pictures out of icecream sticks. and they did most of it by themselves with some suggestions/ideas from the three teacher-mentors. :D im quite proud of them actually. (:

and after that we had nzopc christmas gathering. it actually turned out more successfully than i expected. quite a few people went. and the potluck turned out pretty okay. and the gift exchange was quite entertaining too. i got cute socks with christmas-y characters on the toes. :D we spent alot of time exploring mingyang's 'ginormous' house. and also experimenting our conductivity with the foot massaging machine. guokai's expressions were priceless and jiajun apparently healed his strained arm with it. i merely got twitching arm muscles. (: but i think it was quite successful maybe we can still have more in future. just maybe.

ah. life. i have another gathering tomorrow. and im mostly likely gonna be staying the night at shao's house. 'most likely' because i'll find my way home if no one else it staying. because thats just. weird. think i'll enjoy myself though. especially individual gift exchanges. xD i feel abit guilty about one present that i got. but nevermind. life is good. :D

chapter #102: sing out this song and i'll be there by your side

2008-12-19T23:18:00.004+08:00

i like work very much. today i almost finished all of my econs homework. :D something that i think would have been difficult to achieve if i wasnt at work. hmmm.

so by now ive probably met about 3 or 4 of the condo's committee members. they're quite ~~entertaining~~ interesting, actually. they dont seem to mind me too much (thankfully) probably partly because im just there temporarily anyway. so i kind of have an excuse to be a bit blur about things that are going on. nevertheless, i do try not to be too blur.

lynette asked me out to lunch today! :D so i didnt have to stay in the office by my poor lonely self. i cant believe she came all the way down to my workplace from like plaza sing though. it is quite out of the way and she didnt even know how to get there at first. still. it was very sweet of her -is muchy touched- and it kind of made my day. :D

pizza hut was commonplace, so lyn suggested indian food (which is kind of in abundance in that area). but we ended up inside stewhaus after being attracted to some diagrams of peaches and guavas. the place had a nice aroma. and the food was quite good i guess. three course meal. salad, pasta and chocolate cake. :D

my parents bought a new sofa today. but it'll only come middle of next month due to... i dont know. matters. like leather shipping and something. it's nice though. i was kind of getting sick of the old green sofa. but the next one is white so thats kind of... running the risk of getting it dirty, i guess. D: but its okay. i like it. it has springs. (:

guess i should sleep soon since i have a pretty day ahead tomorrow :D and ive barely prepared for any of it. ums. D: i suddenly miss being around people and interacting with people alot. ah. maybe when work ends, then.

; and there's no mountain too high, no river too wide...

chapter #101: don't hold your breath

2008-12-17T21:50:00.004+08:00

i bet. not many people get fresh coconuts while they're working. like. plucked off the trees, cut and served right up. this is mine. :D and then coz we didnt have straws, so the manager taught me how to pour it into the cup without spilling the juice. :D

so anyway. at around 4+ shao stopped by to say hi and got held up for a good one and a half hours till her mum came later to pick her up for dinner and i took the bus off to meet mine for a japanese dinner.

work has been quite fulfilling! in one way or another. i work when im expected to and when i dont have work to attend to i have been preoccupying myself with reading various things. papers/time/economist. and somewhere along the lines ive managed to complete parts of my homework. so i guess that makes me feel quite happy though i end up feeling abit lagged at the end of every day.

my main grouse is simply that i dont get to exercise as much i used to. and im probably accumulating fat sitting there the whole day. its getting so bad that yesterday when i managed to get home slightly earlier i sprang around the house getting stuff so that i could squeeze in a 6km run before the sky got dark. i keep harbouring little plans to run to work, bathe, change, go to work. run home from work, bathe, dinner. or change "run" to "cycle". but my mum isnt particularly agreeable. and i havent managed to figure out a suitable route yet. nevertheless i will aim to hit at least 30km this week. ):

im finally getting to go shopping tomorrow night! though on my own, since my mum has a company commitment. no complaints though, i need to do some christmas shopping and get some stationary since i really dont have much time left to shop. i should go watch twilight. or i'll never get to watch it. but well. probably not, for several reasons. itsokay savemoney! :D or perhaps i will cancel shopping plans and decide to go run instead. i dont know. we'll see.

lunch with lynette and ~~dinner with grandma~~ on friday and then two christmas parties and a youth comm meeting on saturday. sounds busy. but im kind of looking forward to everything and all. except it kind of feels like alot to be thinking about. but its okay. christmas parties are meant to be eagerly anticipated. so eagerly anticipate them i shall :D

hm. my senses feel abit dulled. perhaps because my cold is starting to come back for some unknown reason. and my post seems... awkward, somehow. think i'll leave off here then. and expect many surprises at work tomorrow (:

chapter #100: and im hearing you whisper my name in the dark

2008-12-15T10:54:00.003+08:00

there was this once during nz after lunch on the island when we went snorkelling and i apparently had a mild panic attack coz i couldnt breathe properly, was freezing cold, thought that i would get trapped in the corals down below. and many other scary thoughts. and i also thought hey! whatthehell i never get to experience panic attacks in singapore anyway.

i was wrong!

i got one just now when the lady called and i couldnt answer her questions and had to call her bac like twice. i feel like dam lousy lol. :S but its okay i will persevere and by the time im out of here i wont be getting panic attack anymore. ._.

i guess it's also "just my luck" that i have a supremely sore throat today that is just aching incessantly regardless of whether im talking or not. i ned to go drink american ginseng. haha.

so anyway. ive already had my adventure for a first day of work! i missed my stop. no surprise. but i missed it by 5 stops. then i got off the bus and realized that the bus went on a loop. so i got on the next bus and took it on the loop. i got off the bus not where i'd planned to.but i realized that that was the correct bus stop to get off at. ._. tsh... and i walked all the way in umbrella-less coz i forgot my umbrella. and in... 2... and a half inch heels because thats the only pair of heels i have now. ._. so i am definitely. going shoe shopping for lower heels soon. because i have lost my ability to prance everywhere in excessively heels. sneakers ftw. :

but i made it (: and on time too (:

i think that by the end of today i will be D: due to the sore throat. but still feel happy and accomplished. but i would want to talk to chase very much coz i would need some laughing gas.

i guess i should stop blogging now and go back to doing my work. haha.

chapter #99: coz i am awesome and chase is awesomer. (:

2008-12-12T21:04:00.005+08:00

this is my group and this is our stripy borrowed thermal underwear. mrquek is cheating with unstripy thermals of course. and peachy doesnt need thermals. (:

and many hugs and kisses to liann for uploading all the nzopc photos i cant imagine how long that must have taken.

i miss my edward cullen haha (: and i really hope that i will manage to find some time off to go watch twilight though i'll be superduper busy and all the next two and a half weeks maybe coz of work and also various party plannings and parties itself. im not complaining though i think i like all these things.

i realized that playing halo 3 alone at home is not that fun. not compared to playing at e2max and getting laughed at coz i get pwned every 5 minutes or so. i miss playing with the inspire people. especially anzai lol. even though he's the one who always pwns us at fragging. ._.

im kind of tired but i dont feel like sleeping because... im hungry. and im having interesting conversations with chase on msn and jiajun on facebook. i like talking to chase alot he never fails to make me laugh. and today he just profiled my next boyfriend. :D

but anyway. work officially starts tomorrow! its quite exciting and worrying all at the same time because i dont really know what to expect from it. not entirely, anyway. and i really hope i dont make dumb mistakes and stuff haha.

okay im in abit of a bubble of happiness i should continue this post another day.

chapter #98: coz if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me

2008-12-10T08:26:00.003+08:00

HELLO I'M BACK (:

i dont think i really want to share my deep thoughts and reflections coz i dont know. it doesnt make sense because it's difficult to know what it feels like, being there, if you havent been there yourself.

but i think that after the trip i think better of the guys. they're very interesting, actually. and very fun. jerome and jiajun both lost their specs on the first day of camp. so they spent the entire time like poor blind mice. i also realized that they're like. eating monsters. they eat so bloody much its extremely scary. eventually i think we managed to see all their. "inner childs". even the most cynical of them.

i got to try many things! surf kayaking, coasteering, snorkelling, building a sailboat with kayaks and a z-sack, sea kayaking, cooking! eating FRESH oysters (like. break shell open on the spot and eat), fishing, watching the stars (especially with mingyang there). and in auckland i got to shop like a crazy idiot with all the wonderful people. (((((:

i have a burnt scalp. a burnt nose. which are both starting to peel. my pimples are really just popping out like nobody's business. and my mealtimes and sleeping times are just vaguely screwed up. but hey, no regrets (:

; coz if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth i could be

and i realized many things during the trip, even though most people hated the reflection part of it. moving out of the comfort zone and all that. opening up more, sharing as a group. having fun as a group. but i really enjoyed my time with the group.

jiajun the eating monster and his "quads of fury" and "biceps of doom".
junnies and his interesting beliefs. i really mean interesting. i like the entire concept and stuff, even if i dont think i'll follow it.
fabian, who was a wonderful motivator and pretty much never failed to make us laugh.
jerome the blind mice who was quite evil sometimes but would still be nice in the end.
sala my roommate and kayaking partner. for BEST BOAT. and being a great companion even if she frustrated me sometimes.
gloria for accompanying me alot of the times and helping me to cook coz im so horrid at it.
davina for giving me disapproving looks for not finishing me veggies and toilet cleaning.
liann for being able to make completely random comments and make everyone laugh.
zhengie for her practical points of view sometimes when we got all cold and whiny.
me for... i dont know. junnies says for "not bitching". and taking the initiative.
mrquek for his VERY VERY DRY jokes but who was still a great teacher-figure in the end.
and
PEACHY for her unwavering enthusiasm and belief in us.

think maybe this is all i'll blog about it. unless something comes up to make me... blog more. i doubt it though. i gotta train the next few days. and then im gonna start work soon so thats that.

i got my halo3. (:

chapter #97: when you told me that you loved me, were those just words?

2008-11-29T09:20:00.003+08:00

I SUSPECTED that i might be unable to withstand the early morning anticipation of going to nz. the i-want-to-bounce-around-the-house-but-not-really feeling. so this morning when i woke up i went back to sleep three times and when i finally sat up. i just sat there and looked around for 15 minutes.

i have a ~~mozzie bite~~ cut on my left baby finger. it hurts. ._.

KAY. anyway.
thank you all the lovely people who wished me a good trip/ bonvoyage/ comebacksafe/ no scandals. ~_. i will definitely have fun there and take as much care as is possible for me. avoid scandals as much as is possible for me and um. try to enjoy my three separate aeroplane flights there (1 to msia, 1 transit to auckland, 1 domestic)

life is good. (:

and after i come back with lots of sheep i will "be confident" and also motivated to do many random things!
like cut my hair and spam consoles with inspirefamily.

for now i will sit around and wait for the day to pass till it's time to leave.

chapter #96: and i will miss you when im gone

2008-11-28T21:04:00.004+08:00

less than 24 hours and i will be out of bright and sunny singapore. into newzealand. which i think is bright and sunny too anyway. ._.

grandma i will miss you. and im sorry i cant help you with marketing.
mummy i will miss you too and i hope you get very fit from spending long hours in the gym.
maternal cousins + a baby please do not go around at breakneck speed.
inspire family i will miss you sorely. we must spam halo and guitarhero when we are all back. ):

i sound like im going to die soon. D:
haha no, im not.

i found something else to fangirl over besides edward cullen.

LAST FOR ONE.

i think (almost) every bboy would know them. and they are utterly amazingincrediblewonderful. and when they smile they are amazingincrediblewonderful x 1239478293847234. and very cute.

anzai says im crazy. but he admits they are dope. so there. i watched them perform today at square2 after drums. and they were so incredible and amazing. i was happy and smiley after that. i told anzai i watched them perform live and he said wtf and omg many times.

i packed my backpack for newzealand. and my mum took one look at it. and unpacked everything and repacked it. she said i was dumb. coz i put my last day clothes right on top. ._. on hindsight that was reallyreally dumb. but i couldnt help it all i wanted was to get packing over and done with. which it is. FINALLY. AT LONG LAST. -mutters-

so well i guess this will be my last post. unless i post tomorrow before/after lunch. which i dont think i will. probably i will be in between happiness and anticipation and worry about newzealand. but i have shao with me so it wont be so bad this time, i think. it was worse during nepal when i knew almost no one and every other j1 knew someone.

k i need to bathe i feel gross. back later.

chapter #95: thats what your laughter sounds like.

2008-11-26T20:40:00.004+08:00

okay. two things.

1. does anyone want anything from new zealand? i'll try to get it. (:
2. BUT please no requests involving live animals. including sheep, and kiwi (even though the latter is probably small enough to fit in my bag.) requests of stuffed versions, however, im agreeable to. ((((:

so staf, i will bring you a stuffed sheep. perhaps with real sheepskin. if such a thing exists. (:

haha im torn between wanting to go there and get a nice tan, have a good time, know more people, jump into various water bodies and come back with a confident personality! and wanting to stay in singapore and enjoy life in front of the computer.

i think the first option sounds better. O_o haha.

i went to look for my cousin while she was flag-daying today along orchard road. she told me she would be at plaza so i went there first. and then she told me she was at tangs. =___= so i walked all the way there hoping that my monetary wealth would not be depleted by the many gb girls who accosted me along the way before i managed to reach my cousin and make my donation to her. i managed it. (:

my mum took me shopping today and i am frustrated because halo3 is outofstock though it shouldnt be LIKE OLD GAME ALREADYYYYY D: so i have to wait till im back from newzealand to buy it. or my mum also says that i can give her the name of the game and she will get it for me. and no she's not usually so agreeable to everything i ask for. its just that me asking for games are a rarity. she never says yes to other stuff like wallets. or shoes.

i finally got about almost everything i need for newzealand. SO EXCITED HAHA. but i dont have to worry because i have people to hang around with even if i end up being lag and not knowing what to do. i remember feeling so lost and aimless the first days of nepal coz i barely knew anyone. luckily for females and their unity in their love for shopping. heh. :D

i will miss many things and people when i am gone.
and i hope i will be missed too ):
but i will be back! unless the world ends or something (toucheswood)

i still like the name AVERY. but my favourite name for now is CHASE. (: so fun!

im going to go home alone from tomorrow onwards because my maid is going back to her country for the next month or so. so i have to be careful and not go home too late or i will meet dogs or evil people or other unspeakable of things that i am/will be tremendously afraid of. while im not a humji like anzai, i am very very very easily terrified by things that happen irl. and i have a very vivid imagination.

chapter #94: when tomorrow comes...

2008-11-25T19:58:00.003+08:00

; and why now when im trying to turn away,
you tell me that i have a reason to stay?

(its very confusing. and it messes up my mind. and it makes it very much harder.)

i realized lately that i have an alternative. but i cant decide if the alternative is worse or the original. or just equally bad. ._. heh.

i went to school early today anyway. and i found out that minjian stays in the same area as me! i couldnt go for nz training because of... matters. so i went to school to handle some stuff instead and also pass jianrui back his bag of food. haha. THANK YOU NICHOLAS i really didnt want to walk into the cardio room full of cross + highschool. besides that i just generally spent most of my time slacking and playing with my baby cousin at my grandma's house.

im leaving for nz soon. and suddenly i dont feel like going at all. but im not sure why. i think im going to miss alot of people and things but maybe i'll forget all aout that when im having fun away in new zealand jumping into hugedeep water bodies and going on night expeditions or. freezing my toes off at night. or something. ):

kay i must be happier. :D

i want to give people stuff and do some stuff for some people before i leave. strange, though. coz most people do stuff/give stuff when they come back. haha but i guess thats just being me. like giving people things and all. i dont know why maybe i derive some secret pleasure or something. i dont know. its like something i read in the papers yesterday:

you dont expect to hear [people say thank you], but it sure is nice to hear.

nevertheless i will try not to buy the whole of newzealand back like staf and jr almost bought the whole candy shop back from hk. but i will have fun spending money on people that i want to spend money on. haha duh. ._.

(i hope kiwis arent very big. as in. the kiwi-animal. not kiwifruit.)

im contemplating whether to bring a soft toy along to help me sleep at night. yes. dont laugh. ._. at some point of my secondary school life i had to bring along a soft toy to every overseas trip to "help me sleep". one that had sentimental value of sorts. my mum thought i was insane for awhile. coz i would carry it in my hand-carried bag. like onto the aeroplane. so i would be like. a big baby. i think i would like to bring one now. but i cant find one that has particular sentimental value to me. ): and shao would also think me insane.

chapter #93: if you open your eyes you will see

2008-11-24T21:29:00.003+08:00

i dont want to go for nz training tomorrow! -mumbles-

i was going to go running this morning. and then wonder about going for soccer pt. but then i woke up late. so i got to school at 930 and saw lynette. so i gave up on running and decided to go for soccer pt instead. it wasnt so bad. and i quite enjoyed it although a certain dark presence made me enjoy it a little lesser. i think im going to go for soccer pts... for various reasons. 1. im an honorary soccer member. 2. it helps me get my training since i havent been motivated to do my 30kms lately. 3. i think i push myself more. 4. and other reasons.

talking to different people is different. like i like talking to some people because they listen and dont comment. i like talking to some because they listen and comment. and i like talking to some others because they listen, dont comment, analyze body language and employ 6th sense. and then comment.

and i like the last one most. coz people like that dont come by very often. and those are the people who know you better. they dont necessarily care about you more. but still they know more than people you talk to. that's like the vampire powers from twilight!

i think that if _____ were a vampire, he would have both of edward's and jasper's powers of mind-reading and making people feel warm and fuzzy around him.

i was feeling pretty awful and tired today. and slightly lethargic over the past few days. i finally figured out the reason today. and i didnt figure it out earlier because it was early. ._. but i suppose today's awful tiredness was partly because of lack of sleep and pt. and it got quite obvious coz i was a little incoherent and a little frazzled and thoughts lagging. during random spasms of consciousness i'd sit up and talk to my cousin and immediately fall back to sleep about a minutes later. i think id probably have fallen asleep too if id gone to watch 007.

so it made me quite an emotional um. rollercoaster. and i get very very very very emo. like just now. i dont burst into a flood of tears or anything. i just lag alot and dont smile and dont talk as much as possible and snap at people alot easier. my emotional control is reduced to less than 20% whenever this happens. its so irritating. but at least its starting to improve.

i think my thoughts are still quite incoherent. so this blogpost must sound quite dumb and illogical. i think i will go and dream of roses and soft toys now.

chapter #92: love you like i always do

2008-11-23T20:11:00.000+08:00

it's been very very very exhilarating over the past 3-4 days. and i feel exceedingly tired. ready to K.O now. but not yet. since there's still dinner and bagpacking to get past. D:

my cousins came over on friday night! and my baby cousin was quite a handful because he was so happy running everywhere. but by the time i got home he was sweaty and he stank because he'd been playing ball with the other two boys earlier. and he was very scary. coz he still walks unsteadily. so he would possibly crash into something suddenly. D: he slept very early though. and woke up quite late in the morning - for him.

so we took him out to the garden/playgrounds to play and have fun. and then to the coffeeshop at lor lew lian so that we could take our breakfast and buy chyesim/yellowmee for lunch. he doesnt really play at the playgrounds though, maybe he's scared. but ohwell. (: he's really fun to play with... and i miss him. muchly (:

inspire outing yesterday! :DDDDDDD i went shopping at suntec by myself later since staf was going to be late. then jianrui came early because his training was cancelled so he was calling me to ask me where i was. and since i was slow and walked at girl-speed and was basically engrossed in buying the whole of suntec down (not literally) so he had to call me a few times. D: and then he got impatient and went off by himself. -guiltyexpression- lol.

westin/fairmont was very pretty! though. as in the room. and jianrui and anzai koped the bed at first so i was lounging on the cough while we ate random pretz flavours (beer, sharks fin) and watched mythbusters on discovery channel. so we hung around till xiaotian came and decided that we were going to go out for dinner! (: but along the way we had some apple photoshoot thing (pictures up another time) which was quite dumb but funny. but there was a very warm feeling about the photo. so staf and i were saying jianrui is daddy. anzai is mummy. and the rest of us are random kids. :S

so anyway after that we had dinner which was fish&co. when jianrui eats fish&co fish. he scrapes off the butter on top. the fish skin. and then gives up on about 30% of the remaining fish meat. ._.

we went to e2max, after dinner. and jianrui and anzai lanned while staf/jia/xt and i spent our lives trying to set up the xbox and play it. i forgot what was the first game we borrowed but we eventually managed to get to play halo3. i suck at it. :D campaign with staf was fun. though we kept accidentally jumping into the water and committing suicide. D: but it was really fun in the end and we were screaming and squealing alot because we kept dying and everything. and then after awhile anzai/jr joined us for awhile. so they started fragging (is that how its spelt!)/killing each other. apparently im good at backstabbing. but we all kind of died under anzai's hands during fragging. D:

i managed to kill people though! wow! before we started fragging i gave myself a 5 seconds limit before i got fragged. but i lasted longer! but then i would get backstabbed/energysworded/sniped by random people and die. -mutters- but it was very fun! i think that! if i can get my mummy to get me halo3 and guitarhero (because zai says so) on xbox360. i will try to find more controllers and we can get the inspire people back for ANOTHER FRAGGING MATCH. and i will not suck so much this time because i will get to sit at home and stare at the tv and play. (: and then zai can also show off his guitarhero skills while we sit around and die laughing (:

we left e2max about 2am and walked back to westin. we did a little social experiment on the way and failed the guys for gentlemanliness. lol. when we got back. jr said he choped the bathroom first. so anzai went in and was like "I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU IN HERE" which sent us all into the first fit of giggles. then he worsened it by going "I'LL BE THE ONE ON TOP!" which totally made us collapse in a fit of laughter. besides that i cant really remember what we did when we went back. mostly bathing and being plastered to the tv. and fighting over the bed. in fact, jia and staf invented a game - POKE THE OGRE. which involved poking jianrui off the bed. quite successful, really, until we reached a compromise which allowed us to squeeze onto the bed.

we fell asleep in intervals. with jianrui, anzai and staf on the bed. with the blanket over them. then me and jia on the blanket with the bed... cover thing. over us. and pillows, of course. i discovered last night that anzai is very very very still when he sleeps/watches tv. which was good for me of course. since mostly i was sleeping on a pillow placed over his legs. (: li jianrui however. is a different case since he managed to wake at least one other person with him everytime he woke up. D:

jia and jr went to sleep eventually. after xt migrated to the couch. then we watched the taiwanese drama - ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni for awhile. until daybreak. when we went to watch the sunrise... except we werent facing the rising sun.... ): so we went back in after awhile and tried to get more sleep. i was successful until 1) a phone alarm rang. 2) jianrui woke up and jerked the blanket so hard that i moved and woke up. then i went to bathe.

eventually at almost 1030 - 11 when everyone was up we went to ya kun for breakfast. checked out and walked to suntec where we met sidney, siquan and jiahong. and we played wii consoles for awhile, went for a second round of photoshoot, and then came to my house to "spam consoles".

i lost to jr at ps2 needforspeed circuit and drifting. BUT THEN! I BEAT ANZAI, XIAOTIAN, AND JIANRUI at the shooting game on wii play. HAHA. HAHA. and then we took turns at all the consoles until we all got tired. and staf K.O-ed. and so they decided to go. jr scammed me coz i agreed to look after his food since he didnt want to bring it to mac. but then he decided to go home instead and because we were downstairs i totally forgot about the food. ): scammer.

its raining now and i scalded myself when i bathed. but ah. I MISS EVERYTHING ALREADY just wish i could go back and relive all the moments again. but i guess we cant turn back time coz if we could i would probably be stuck back goodness knows when turning and turning back time and not creating pretty new memories. i hope this inspire group can still have fun together sometimes though.

but ANZAI. (this is specially for you!) is very mean to me sometimes. he niaoed me alot throughout inspire outing... for various reasons ranging from why he couldnt move his legs coz i was so heavy to how lousy i was at halo3... and then laughed at me. and didnt believe some things i said for some reason. and i promised him lunch if he could complete fire heroes without catching fire. which he didnt! LOL. but i still must say thank you and many smiles (((((((: because he is awesome. (: and a wonderful pillow. (: and very calm when i was squealing softly and fussing while watching the taiwanese show. and is one of the people i enjoy talking to even though he keeps niaoing me! (: i promise to try to smuggle a kiwi-sized kiwi(fruit) back for you!

and STAF and JIA! for "covering my ass" a few times and combined ogre poking efforts. (: and random social experiments and being girls and having fun like girls always do (: and of course! animated discussions about shopping, sales, twilight, edward cullen, hot guys and cute guys. i would never survive outings without the two of you (:

it is soon time for dinner. i think most of them (besides jr) would have K.O-ed at home by now. giving the little sleep we all got last night. i want to K.O. too. but not yet. or i will be away by 3am tmr.

i have other things to blog about. but not now because this happens to be a SUPERDUPEREXTREMELYLONG post. (:

i am tired.

chapter #91: :D family photos!

2008-11-23T20:00:00.003+08:00

on saturday evening before dinner! :D

this afternoon!

chapter #90: not knowing where tomorrow comes from

2008-11-21T08:02:00.002+08:00

IF i blog lesser over the next few days!
it will be because i am playing games on the computer and am too distracted to blog. which is bad, of course. but it happens. (: just don't ask what game i'm playing. oh and also because i will be away from saturday to sunday.

my cousin is staring at me from him rocker. i should stop staring back with a dumb grin on his face so that he can go to sleep.

i suddenly decided lately that i like the name AVERY very much. i don't know why. i just like it.

-mutters-

chapter #89: only dumb people do things like that

2008-11-19T14:51:00.005+08:00

people who screw around for no good reason at all and cause a hullabaloo through their mindless screwing around irritate me. ^_-

chris was right.

but i will not waste my time dwelling on that.

i enjoy conversations with lynette. sometimes. most of the time, anyway. both when we discuss serious stuff and when we discuss completely random stuff. last night it was our star sign - we're both taureans. most of it seemed to suit. except the part where taureans are supposed to be loving and romantic -- definitely not lynette. ive always rather liked being taurean. and i do possess the most defining trait of being taurean (imo, anyway) being stubborn (:

anyway, the thought about the star signs wasnt some sudden random thought that crossed my mind. i had to research a bit on my own star sign for one of my postcrossing exchanges.

the weather's been alternating between sucky and awesome lately. this morning i awoke to perfect weather. not pouring, but cool enough to go out running and feel very refreshed. unfortunately the weather was apparently so good that i couldn't get out of bed.

or maybe it was also partly coz i was in a weird dream of sorts and i wanted to see how it would end. so i was dreaming and waking up in several phases. so i dont think my dream was totally continuous. ): i dont remember it anymore except for a few parts. one of which involve me not having washed my baby cousin's cup before giving him milk to drink. like through a straw. and when he was finished there were two HUGE cockroach-like insects at the bottom of the cup. except they werent cockroaches. and they were STILL ALIVE! D: so i was very worried about my cousin being poisoned. ):

maybe its a hint that i need to be very careful when he comes over to stay on friday. ._.

(anzai said maybe i secretly hate him and put the cockroachy things in. i didnt!)

im going shopping with my mum later for nz stuff (: its less than 2 weeks to NZ! and i still cant wait. but im worried that if i dont get my act together and snap out of my running burn-out lately. that i will be too fat to move during nz. okay maybe not FAT since everyone would say its impossible for me to be anything vaguely near fat. just... unfit. ):

i wonder though, if i should make this package of surprises for my mummy so that she has something to entertain herself with the 11 days that im gone. i will think about it. but if im going to do it then i dont have very many days left.

ah. i feel like im wasting my life away right now. ): but then again im earning $10 an hour for sitting around doing anything i want so i dont think i have a licence to complain.

chapter #88: you put turkey in people's mouths!

2008-11-18T11:39:00.004+08:00

i smell of chlorine! (:

i did something very smart yesterday anyway. i forgot to bring my handphone pouch home and my ezlink card was in it as usual coz i went running yesterday. so i ended up having to use coins for two bus rides which i didnt like at all. D: i feel so insecure without my ezlink card. haha so i had to come back to my grandma's house to get it this morning. and i figured that possibly when i sit down i would feel too lazy to move out again. so in the morning at 7am when i was contemplating whether to bring my shoes or not, i decided to go swimming instead! (:

and i almost walked into this red coloured lifeguard guy at the swimming pool. and he said "soraye." pronounced exactly like that. D: i had to wash out my eyes with eyedrops though, after swimming. just in case the infection worsens or something. i feel happy! i have the stamina to swim pretty long.

the lift was under maintenance! so i decided to just walk up the (9 x 2 = 18) flights of steps leading up to my grandma's house. so that was my second exercise for the day. (:

i feel more FIT now.

postcrossing blues are plaguing me, however!

staf and jianrui are coming back on thurs with lots of hongkong goodies because staf says they bought the whole candy shop. i think ive said this like 1,000,000 times but i cant wait for inspire outing! yay. and my cousins are coming to stayover on friday night. (: and i get new spectacles on friday! (: so many things are happening.

~~okay i want to go eat my chicken rice lunch now back later.~~ BACK!

i went with my cousins to tpcentral because priscilla wanted to get some personalized thing for her friend. and i laughed at her because for the past two occasions that she wanted to get some personalized thing, she took the 1 hr train ride to jurong east (and back) coz she didnt know where else to get it done. and of course there was one at tpcentral all along. but it somehow eluded her.

and then we spent some time strolling around the entrepreneurship fair place. and i got some gifts for random people coz... i felt like it. (: and when we got back my cousin was in a significantly better mood, so i took him downstairs to send postcards/sit on moving/singing machines that cost 20c/ride. he gets alot of free stuff from people downstairs for being a baby and being cute coz he's a baby. now i wonder why cant that happen to me too. D:

anyway we happened to catch his daddy coming home from work at the right time so he was happy. (: but oh! his dad played hide and seek with him for awhile. and i realized that he always looks in the same places that he previously found his dad before. so there was this one time he was walking from room to room looking at exactly the same places when his dad was sitting happily in the living room. lol.

i love my cousinn :D

okay i have to go translate something for my mummy and read econs or something now.

chapter #87: fall in love with whats not real

2008-11-17T23:52:00.002+08:00

i wasnt going to blog coz i ~~was~~ am really tired. but then i was amused by the facebook groups set up dedicated to twilight and oh of course EDWARD CULLEN.

they go something along the lines of.

1. because i read twilight i have unrealistic expectations of men
(yep)

2. if 1,000,000 people join i will legally change my name to edward cullen
(um pls. no. there's no way you'll even be half as hot.)

3. forget 'prince charming'. im waiting for my 'edward cullen'.
(yes. the charm of the white knight in shining armour has been replaced by edward cullen and flat black eyes)

4. i am absolutely in love with edward cullen and the twilight series.

5. it's a twilight thing you wouldn't understand.
(this is for all the people out there who say that twilight is not that great.)

and of course. my PERSONAL FAVOURITE:
because of Edward Cullen, human boys have lost their charm.

yes. indeed they have.

chapter #86: even though we aint got money, im so in love with ya honey

2008-11-16T18:28:00.003+08:00

no, it isnt wrong.
it is just...
...
not preferred.

i wish i could have gone to the biennale with shao/deb/chris today! i said i wanted to go see it but for some reason i lack time... or maybe i just didnt feel like walking. im such a lazy butthead. D:

we celebrated my grandpa's birthday yesterday anyway. at some safra restaurant. the food was alright, i suppose. i especially liked the fish. but then i always like restaurant cooked fishes. so yeah. my baby cousin was particularly embarassing. since he took to banging the table and making loud squeaky noises. so i took him outside before the dessert came since i didnt like it. he's becoming more... attached to me. since i spent about 3-4 days with him now that its the holidays. and i take him downstairs and spend money on him. (:

im beginning to appreciate familytime more nowadays. and understanding (better) that relationships, trust and love are built. not given. which partly teaches me to sit around my grandma's house and wait for inspiration to hit my grandma and then she decides to talk to me about a random subject. i still remember how chrissa used to talk to me and stuff in sec2. and i alwaysalways remember i miss you, grandma.

AH. -mutters- i should get around to making my holiday more productive (: i shall go um. wrap books up. now!

chapter #85: such that there would be no need for excuses

2008-11-14T20:38:00.004+08:00

classical songs are remarkably soothing.

so anyway i spent half the day out again. with shao and deb to watch madagascar2. :DDDD i wasnt dressed up like a two-bit skank today (not that i usually dress up like one O_o) but it was okay anyway so that was pretty good. and then we went up for the movie. it was a really sweet show that had both of them gagging next to me. since i was in the middle. hence i was quite entertained. both by the show and by them. and after that we talked and walked to brasbasah complex so i could stock up on postcards. and we spent some time in a comic shop reading Titans. (is that what its called?) yeah and then after that i had to go off for drums.

i played well today! :DDDDD so i think my instructor had quite a bit of fun himself today coz i was making very few mistakes and all so yay! no drums next week though. everywhere's taking a holiday next week i have no idea why. my tuition centre's taking a holiday (not that im complaining. no 4hrs of math!) my music school's taking a holiday. so its okay. time to enjoy heehee (: im looking forward to outings next week anyway.

ahm. im hungry. im eating so much lately. D: and not exercising as much as i usually do because of the terrible weather that keeps me away from my 10kms. ): but i guess its okay i wont put on 101kg all at once and im still looking forward to my 10kms. it would be worse if i had a long burnout.

staying at home is boring. sometimes. but then i cant take up many other things or i would have no time left at all for anything else. im almost overcommitted as it is in some ways. -mutters- well i guess i shall keep myself entertained with little things for awhile then.

chapter #84: whats best for you

2008-11-13T19:35:00.002+08:00

hmm.

i went out with my cousins today! (: to angmokiohub. it was quite fun i suppose. and entertaining. even though they were still relatively embarassing sometimes. like when one of them said "YO!" to a random stranger along the road. we ate pepperlunch. and then we went to watch The Coffin. i was very very entertained throughout the movie because i had one cousin hiding her face in my shoulder. and the other four burying their heads in the hoods of their jacket most of the time. but i think the funnest part was at the end of the movie when we were walking out suddenly one of the doors opened in my cousin's face and she got a shock. bwahaha.

it ended up quite nice in the end coz they were all laughing happily at each other for being scared and asking me whytheheck did i not seem to have any reaction at all. and we bought durian pancakes back for my grandparents. it didnt taste so bad even though im not much of a durian-ish person.

i think i like going out with my cousins sometimes even though they can be extremely embarassing sometimes. and they go around everywhere declaring that everything or the other is cute.

im going out so much i think i'll manage to watch most of the movies/rewatch some movies by the time i start working. so i wont really miss anything. except twilight. which i solemnly resolve not to miss. i have much to do tomorrow. so (:

chapter #83: flights of fancy

2008-11-12T20:57:00.003+08:00

i decided not to repost and just (attempt) to blog more coherently now.

i think being at my grandma's house for one day with my cousins and away from the rest of the world does me some good. because i dont feel so contemplative and stuff anymore, at least. i get to talk/complain to my grandma and do random stuff with my cousins. and im pretty happy (:

i had a good dinner with my mum even though i drank lots of water coz i couldnt take the chilli and my mum said i was silly for taking that dish. but i think she was happier after that coz i get to gossip with her and talk about various stuff. not much shopping though, because it was late.

and anzai made my mum laugh coz he smsed her to wish her happy birthday "from huishi's ~~cute~~ friend" and my mum was being silly so she gave him some weird reply. D: remind me never to ask my friends to sms my mum happy birthday ever again. hrm.

im going to be out/busy over the next few days! going out with my cousins tomorrow. then shao/deb ((((((: on friday. then alot of yec stuff to settle on saturday and grandpa's birthday and then bookfest+tuition on sunday. so i guess i'll finally get around to breathing next monday haha. (: not that i mind its the start of a very good two weeks of inspireppl+14 days countdown to nzopc. haha feeling happy about life is so... mrhhhh. (:

i am slowly recovering from the tomyam as more food enters my digestive system. my finger on the other hand, which was properly injured by shao has not yet snapped out of its numbness. so its awfully irritating that i cannot feel much with the tip of my left middle finger presently. ohwell ):

chapter #82: tinkywinky, dipsy, lala, po - ehoh!

2008-11-12T15:57:00.003+08:00

HELLO HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY PRETTY PRETTY MUMMY I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH (:

okay actually maybe i dont want my mum to be reading this but nevermind.

im at my grandma's house now. where ive spent most of today. or all of today, so far anyway. and im going to meet my mum for dinner later (: and i have no idea why. my cousin is sitting next to me. giggling. in spasms. its quite scary. in an amusing way. i just explained the meaning of spasms to her and then she laughed in one loooong spasm. it kind of makes me laugh. and ive been spending another part of today with this leetleboi (:

and my cousin sees a need to emphasize that you can see my grandpa's armpit hair in the photo. ._. okay.

anyway ive been feeling so ridiculously fat lately because ive been exercising so much lesser than i did when i was in school. sighs- so i guess i'll try to motivate myself to exercise more tomorrow and friday (:

ive been going out so much! it surprises me. and my mum hasnt been saying much about my frequent going out... yet... surprisingly. but its okay not that i mind. and i suppose as long as i dont come back excessively late its okay.

my cousin is listening to the teletubbies song -dies-

i suppose im happier because YEC is starting to fall into place better. i dont want to miss next month's YEC meeting. D: for a change. because, well there are so many things to settle and i dont like having to miss it. sighs. ): so maybe i'll ask them to postpone the meeting or something haha. yay.

i like talking to anzai he says weird stuff that makes me laugh. or go O_o?! at him. haha i dont know that was random.

okay im bored and lacking coherency. which makes a muddled up blogpost. D: maybe i'll repost again tonight yay haha.

chapter #81: tell me how the story ends!

2008-11-11T22:43:00.002+08:00

why do people not tell the people they love that they love them? hm.

today deb said i sounded cleverer :) i think it was a compliment.

i saw elisha on the 157 today. he - didnt recognize me. until i smsed him "stupid brother" like i always do when i see him and he doesnt see me.

i suddenly wonder what role im playing in alot of things. okay maybe not that many. some. things, i suppose. and i dont really know what to do alot of the times in the end. but then i have other people for those parts. i guess.

... i guess.

its so freaking obvious even from the way i blog. grawr.

; i wonder if im trusting you too much.
but then again. you've never broken my trust.

chapter #80: because there is nothing_ nothing to regret

2008-11-10T22:01:00.003+08:00

i have a fever! D:

and i know because my head is spinning circles.
because its burning behind my eyes.
because the middle of my temple is th-rob-bing.

ohwell.

im glad to know you've moved on from here. (: this is how it was always meant to me.

chapter #79: i want to know who you really are...

2008-11-10T19:42:00.002+08:00

my head is doing glorious spins right now. i have no idea why. or what caused it. but it feels very, very frustrating. sighs. ):

maybe its something to do with blood now flowing very properly through my veins. D: or something. i can think of no logical explanation. not a bio student. ): i think i shall quickly finish my work and sleep very early tonight.

ive been having lots of dreams lately! some okay ones. some nightmares. no sweetdreams. ): is that a sign that my morbidity is increasing? hmmmm. or maybe im just subconsciously thinking too much during the day that all my creepy thoughts manifest themselves in my dreams. since all the people i dream about are familiar.

okay. it was supposed to be class outing today. but it rained. so it was cancelled and i decided to go out and play pool with shao/lynette/claire. i managed to beat shao one game! :D! and i bought postcards and yamiyoghurt. D: this is why i dont go out so often. so that i dont go broke within the first three days of the week haha. but its okay. i enjoyed myself very much. and after pool we went to the arcade and played one round of daytona which i died horribly at. D: and then timecrisis2 which we went to change money for manymany times. and we almost finished it. we were at area3 but we all ran out of change. and then we sat around starbucks to talk. (:

there's this very pleasurable aura about spending time with my friends. coz sometimes the things we talk about are only comfortable topics because... its us. i suppose. (: haha. and how once upon a time i missed out on part of this coz i was getting some of something else. its alright (: just as long as i keep knowing where im headed, i guess.

chapter #78: could see it in your eyes

2008-11-09T18:32:00.003+08:00

i realized nowadays i can lag alot before i remember that im supposed to reply someone's sms. D: what a distressing thought.

i feel so unduly stressed by what im supposed to be doing for YEC though its basically just kidsreadkidsread and still kidsread. i still think my volunteers are quite amazing so yeah. that's alright. but i dont know. stuff that happened at YEC meeting irritated me mildly. thankheaven for my selfcontrol so i dont make sarcastic comments because that would just be bad. half of me wants to quit and abandon kidsread for good. but i think i would miss it if i really left it for good. -___- just as well anyway. i guess its due time to attempt to go organize everything at kidsread. especially while the volunteers are still all hyper and LET'S GO SHOPPING and LET'S GO SPRINGCLEAN! their enthusiasm is infectious and i think its one of the very few things that keep me still believing in what im doing.

classouting tomorrow (: i guess most of me is looking forward to it. so i hope people go. (:

i havent been wishing people happy birthday! D:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
chanyi, noreen, samchan, alex (:

20 more days to NZ!
i cant help counting down especially since my eye doctor has given me the all clear to go diving into random water bodies and springing down green countrysides without having to consider that a vein in my eye might pop or having to lug an ice tumbler containing gentamicin and cefazolin. and i cant wait for the blueskies in the day and the nightsky filled with sparkly stars. and the water that will actually be clear compared to -cough- the kind you see here.

ohwell. (: i want to run tomorrow!

chapter #77: you make it hard to breathe

2008-11-06T21:00:00.003+08:00

i have been exploring alot lately! (:

i went exploring serangoon central yesterday because it was 10 and hot. so i didnt feel like running. but i felt so horrible and unexercised so i decided to walk and take the rare opportunity to go exploring serangoon central! (: i didnt manage to find chompchomp. but its okay i found the postoffice. several atms. and various other stuff of course. haha.

nzopc training today! (: before training i wanted to take a run up to namly, down holland and then down farrer this morning. but somehow i managed to take a wrong turn and get lost somewhere around leedon road. so instead of taking one big round i ended up doing something like running down leedon then turning back because i got lost. D: i was a little distressed at not being able to find my way to farrer and also when i was running back along 6th ave i saw a DOG. a huge germanshepard like HANS. although i think he looked better because he was black/brown instead of full black. but whatever. it scared the crap out of me and it stared at me like it was going to follow me. D:

tuition is sucking up my sorrowful life. and i only feel happy when i actually understand (and know) how to do the questions. so when i dont i just get sian. and sian and then more sian until i just end up in a distracted state writing weird stuff like "omg huishi you're distracted!" on my paper. how dumb is that. D: but nevermind.

christmas is coming soon! ((((((: i cant wait. even though last year i met with some rather disastrous shopping for christmas presents with my (presently) sec 2/3 cousins. they started laughing like crazy goons 1) for no good reason. 2) at the underwear section in department stores. freaking embarrassing. thanks. and it was three of them against one of me. so ermm... D: but i have a job during that period so we wont get to reprise embarassing scenario. my mum wants me to do my christmas shopping in nz so i hope i have time for that.

besides that. i have grandpa's birthday celebration. inspire outing. and nzopc and cca outings to look forward to! (: so perhaps manymany pictures before that. (: i cant wait to get back into my contacts though i think that will probably only happen in mid-december, latest. i dont look all that bad in my spectacles. or so ive been told anyway. i dont know. ):

but i still feel so happy and rounded. rounded as in like. all-round. blessed. kind of thing. not fat-round. (godforbidD:) i get to spend time with my baby cousin and postcrossing is very very fulfilling. and im getting to catch up with many people so thats three things to be happy about. and of course amazing reading material (twilighttwilight!) im getting book 1, 2 and 4 tomorrow so i expect i'll wrap them up. reread twilight and savour every moment of it. before i finally get around to book2. barackobama is america's new president so thats another yay!

okay my bubble of happiness seems to be growing a little big for now so i think i'll stop and go... plan my stuff. (:

chapter #76: HAPPY 411 DAY! ((((:

2008-11-04T22:22:00.004+08:00

HAPPY 411 DAYYY! ((((((:

that's part of 411. though not all. (:

these are the people we love and the happy things we remember so clearly.

chapter #75: if i could choose to be unconditionally in love

2008-11-02T19:44:00.003+08:00

aye.

(we've been here before; it's nothing new)
but then again ive never met anyone like you. :D

my mum is banning me from doing everything under the sun. e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. im not allowed to eat junk food. im not allowed to read. im not allowed to use the computer. GROAR. i feel so restricted. D:

i got new reading material from plaza sing anyway. (: joy! even if my mum is kind of banning me from excessive reading. pictureperfect. disclosure. twilight. and i finally see why jia was so happy when breaking dawn came out. so i cannot wait for 18thdecember when twilight finally comes out in cinemas. (: but of course in my mind edward cullen is about 10 times more mesmerizing than robert pattinson.

but thats okay. so anyway. lately i decided that i should stop abandoning my various responsibilities just because i feel like i need some cool off time from everything. so i went back to kidsread. i really am delighted at the amount of effort the other volunteers are putting in despite a very dismal attendance. but then again i vaguely recall having almost the same passionate enthusiasm towards the programme in my first year of being there. -shrugs-

i think perhaps maybe my :D happiness is coming (comes) too easily. and perhaps it would disappear in a bright puff of green smoke just as easily. i dont know. but heh. carpe diem. seize the day. where's the point in being scared/worrying right now. hrm. maybe we forget feelings that we havent felt in a long time.

; with you -

chapter #74: if you know what's good for you

2008-10-30T19:53:00.003+08:00

i really felt very very much like crap today after my appointment with my eyedoctor. because my eye was sore and stuff i guess. but ahwellokae.

LESS THAN 24 HOURS TO THE END OF PW!!!!! today's rehearsal left me slightly jittery and absolutely exhausted from all the memorywork and attempting to squint at my cue cards. so yeah im kind of abit worried about presentation and q&a tomorrow. but ahwell its the lastlastlastlastlap already just have to finish it up and be happy. (:

i miss alot of things about school, though. like not being able to see jia and give her random hugs. or sitting around at class bench and talking crap and gossiping. sometimes, i guess (: and going on runs around the neighbourhood alone/with claire. or even going for lectures, i guess.

but there! there are so many things for me to be looking forward to! 411day! opc! maybe class chalet? but by the looks of it i might be at opc when they have classchalet so i dont know. ): umm. classouting. inspireouting. cousinsouting. my mum's birthday! my grandpa's birthday! christmas shopping! little reunions here and there. christmas! oh the best season of the year. (besides cny when you get $$) ((((: and im trying to convince my mum to let me go to indonesia with my maid. since she's going back.

there really are many things to be happy about (: